I wish…

Okay. I just finished reading the book ‘the fault in our stars’ aaaand… It’s super awesome. Man, I love it. I know it’s still on theatre but I don’t wanna go Aline and watch it. I don’t have any friends… 🙁

I wish I have a cancer. Just like Hazel Grace. Don’t get mad. But I really wish. So I’ll be loved by someone like that. For me that kind of love exsists only in books and movies. That hasn’t happened to me. I don’t think ‘love’ will happen to me in the future as well.

For just one time, one damn time… I wanna know how it is like to be in love. I have loved three guys in my life. But seems like I was the ONLY person who loved. They didn’t give a shit about me. I broke down so hard that when I think of the word love it stresses me. How bad I wanna be loved and also the feeling that they will walk out for god knows what reason and it scares the fuck outta me. May be that’s why I wish I have some kind of a serious illness like cancer or something. Maybe then someone will start carrying and remember that I still exsists. And I will be loved till the day I die. I know I’ll have to get dozens of medicine, go to hospitals, hair fall and all that shit. It would be so painful. Physically yes. Mentally, in time. Maybe then I wouldn’t wanna die if I feel loved and cared. I’d wish I had more time to embrace that love. But I would die being loved. And that makes a happy ending. People who really loved me will be sad and cry over me for sometime but they’ll get over it. Eventually they will. Everyone does. It’s just sad.

But I wish. I just wish…

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