So December has come and gone and I have thought many times I need to sit and write…but I don’t have the heart or mind set.
We went on a wonderful and fun cruise to the carribean for 9 days and had a great time. Unfortunately though a few days in we took a test and it was negative which was reaffirmed a day after. Kinda sucked bc it would have been a nice anniversary present. I even had an anniversary present planned out for her. The 2nd anniversary gift is supposed to be cotton. So I bought a onesie and painted on I <3 my mommies. And then when it was negative I told her I forgot the present at home. *sigh* I did the best I could to take it all in stride and brush it under the rug so it didn’t ruin our vacation and didn’t make her cry.
It sucked though… but it is what it is and I thought we would just try again for next month. Well here we are again…getting down to the wire. Monica got to push the sperm in this time and they let her warm it up which was very sweet of the doctor. I think it helped her feel more included in the process so I was very happy. Only had 1 egg this time so slimmer chances. But Sunday will be day 14 and of course we have been taking early tests. The first 2 were definitely negative but the one I took yesterday morning had the slightest hint of a line…so faint I wondered if I was imagining things. This far if it was positive I would think it would be darker but then again… maybe I’m just crazy and I’m seeing what I want but I guess we will see for sure in a few days. If not then I think we will trying with a different donor next time. But I don’t know how much more I can take…it hurts and it’s so so so frustrating above all else. I thought this would be easy…guess the joke is on me…