Disbelief…

I really can not comprehend where my mind was.  What did I want, what did I think was so great that I would obtain by completely fucking my family over? I used to actually think that I would like to just have it be me and the kids on the weekend?  That the rest of the time I wanted to be alone? So I could do what? Selfishly feed my own pointless desires? Chase meaningless fucking girls? Have secrets, and think that constantly searching for something is going to be fulfilling? My happiness and fulfillment has been right in front of me this whole time. I could be out doing all that pointless shit if I wanted to be right now, but now I know what my meaning to life is. It’s that simple. God I miss waking up to those two little faces, even if they are kicking me in mine. I miss coming home and seeing them both run up to me smiling, what kind of fucking father would trade that in for what I have now?! FUCK!!! And the most beautiful women I have ever seen, who has supported me relentlessly regardless of me being a complete FUCKASS! I miss you three more so much. God I hope we can be together again soon…

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