everyday more and more often I feel like I should be doing nothing but productive things that help me accomplish my goals and furthest aspirations. but it’s so hard to stay that focused. it feels like life just gets you so caught up in anything you just forget so quickly. and the feeling of wanting these things so badly in my life makes me even wonder how do I even begin to forget, like its what I actually want to do with my life. I know I want it and I want it so bad. but it’s just not enough want for it and I’m trying to figure out how to want it that bad so I can do. it has to mean more than just the world to me, it has to mean more than just my future to me and I’m not sure why I just don’t feel that if its what I truly want deep within my heart. I look at artists and how they did it it was consistency but I got bills to pay so how can I live, eat, and sleep this? the system got my mind constantly going elsewhere just an upward spiral, patiently waiting to fall in midair. and the landing hurts it just doesn’t hurt as bad because I see it happening, I’m anticipating the pain. but that’s not helping just because I foresee the falling. I want to land on my feet after I spiral up like that whether the spiral was in my control to begin with or not. you always get thrown in situations in life you just have to learn to land on your feet and then become a pro and land on your toes and bounce forward not backwards. you’re landing means everything.