I went down to commons and sat by the front window with two slices of broccoli pizza. I had time alone with my thoughts for the time being.
Laura had looked at the photo of Jim and I earlier, but did not ask who he was. I was almost thankful for that.
Laura also suggested that we get an apartment off campus next year. I am not doing that because I do not want to spend any more money than necessary. (Even though Laura and I just bought half a bottle of vodka for $5) It would be nice though, to have someone to live with that was not a partner.
I thought about my sexuality, about how I do not want a partner, and about how I do not want to be alone for the rest of my life. I thought about how I just want somebody to walk with on the sidewalk taking a leisurely stroll instead of just constant rushing around.
I need someone to just let me put their head on my shoulder without being attracted to me. I want to put my head on somebody else’s shoulder without leading them on or turning them on. I want to get married and possibly have kids without the constant need for sex in my life.
I really wish that I could marry Jim. That might be the vodka talking, but that is the truth. He would never abuse or rape me. Even if he did abuse me, he is the only person on this planet who I might forgive. -That sounds like a crazy toxic relationship. However, it would never get to that point. I have known him all my life and I just wish I could marry him because I want to be with him for the rest of my life.
However, if true love were simple, the world would be full of peace and happy endings.