Stressed Out!! 😰😥😭

The girlsI keep getting so much anxiety over who can babysit the kids who cant.. I’m getting tired of them having to be babysat in the a.m. By this person then dropped off to this persons house because yhe a.m.person can no longer watch them.. Its the swapping of hands that I hate and I guess I’m going to have to sign up for daycare! I’m going to freak out.. To many germs at daycares, to many incidents happen in certain places.. Some “teachers” as they call them suck and are rude too I honestly trust Josie more than that 😢 I dnt want to trust just anybody with my babies! And I hate that the burden is only on me! I’m so f*cking resentful to Ryan like how could he do this to me! How could he just put his matters before his family! Like I already want to cry again fml! …i got to calm myself a bit right now – I want him to answer me.. How could you do this to me, our family? Why are you more important to leave us forever? How does it feel that you can’t see these two gorgeous faces in the picture above… And its sad because I know he doesn’t worry about how they are because he knows I put my heart and soul to take care of these babies! So why can’t he do the same 😭 again in so resentful… How can a man plan a family and just give up with himself and give up on his family.. Because regardless I know in general we are ok but emotional and mentally and financially we need him… We need the empty space that was filled with his love and care and attention we need his strength and support and goofiness we need him back and right now its impossible.. Seriously FML! I struggle, I go hours without a break, I work my ass off to be everything maid, mom, cook, worker, etc. And hes off in idk where with idk who and just spending the day doing idk what… Like in the back of my mind does he think god I want to be home, or is hr good with just seeing a simple picture and saying oh okay their doing good off to do w.e now 😞 the lives we created should matter more to him than that.. I really hope he gets his life together and actually sees a therapist not some loopy next door neighbor and swearing and lying saying hes seeking guidance – NOW that is a quack!!!! Because hes missing alot because of his stupid mistakes,Natalie is mt little baker we made a cake together, I learned and so did she (I’m getting better at cooking!!) Emilia is so smart the lights were off in the room and she tells me ooh its dark! 😃 so proud of her for speaking more! Then Roger is so much more attentive rolling over and grabbing things to play with! Hes almost sitting up 😃 its those things those little things hes missing! And before he knows it the next time hes sees the kids they’ll wonder who the hell is this guy? I dnt even want it to get to that point but I guess if we mattered enough to him he’d be here with us though right??! …..saying a prayer 🙏

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