“I don’t know what to want from this world. I really don’t know what to want from this world…”
Testing the waters… the plan is to unload thoughts here. Entries will be structured as follows: subject – a word or phrase that I find interesting; featured image – an image I find interesting, possibly related to the subject or one that I’ve taken myself; lyrical quote, with reference to the piece of music (as well as a link); some general thoughts about the day, or thoughts about my own thoughts (will try not to over-edit, but will also allow these streams of consciousness to be crafted somewhat, ad-hoc. I’ve never known exactly how to use the term ‘ad-hoc’); finally some words about any new music I’ve either listened to or attempted to create.
I found out about Surtsey yesterday – it sounds magical, as do most things related to Iceland. Must really visit someday – aurora borealis and whale watching are particularly high on my ‘bucket list’.
Sometimes I get waves of anxiety. The opinion is that these waves have always been lurking, but were unleashed somewhat by a terrible drug experience earlier this year. Now I have little tremors of panic every day, but nothing like a full blown panic attack whilst awake. When drifting to sleep, sometimes I am hit by sensations of semi-psychotic panic and the feeling that I’ve been holding my breath too long. I overthink things. And I spend too long staring at screens, not doing enough exercise or getting an early night. These are factors – I think if I can control these things more effectively then the waves of panic will become less frequent. Also, I’m never doing drugs again. This will probably be the most amount of detail I’ll go into about all this – I think it’ll just help to write about the occasional panic I get. Therapeutic like yeah ya know yeah?
Oh, and a colleague at work suffers from anxiety, and she’s bloody pregnant now. So yeah, others are in more legit situations. She’s very cool. Work, isn’t. I’m surviving, just. New job, same administrative nightmare.
Anyway music. I’ve been writing this whole week, working on some pieces of music for a friend’s live screenplay event. He’s given me a fair amount of freedom, which is nice. I think I’ve recently had a semi-revelation about my strengths and weaknesses in writing music, and certainly my imagination and affinity towards certain music is what drives my writing the most effectively. So these tracks, four of them. I’m somewhat happy with them but also I loath them and hey that’s just being a musician. A bit of self-loathing is important, but must be balanced with some kind of confidence in what I’m doing. It’s all a balancing act. That’s life. That might become a recurring theme here.
I think that’s it today, I will try not to ramble too much or get overly self-indulgent. There’s a discipline to journal writing that I hadn’t anticipated. Moving on – the link above is John Grant, he lives in Iceland now and that makes me jealous probably. His new album isn’t brilliant I don’t think. But this older track (and words) will resonate with me forever… (yes I’ve already changed the layout of these posts)
Surtsey – a volcanic island approximately 32 km from the south coast of Iceland, is a new island formed by volcanic eruptions that took place from 1963 to 1967. It is all the more outstanding for having been protected since its birth, providing the world with a pristine natural laboratory. Free from human interference, Surtsey has been producing unique long-term information on the colonisation process of new land by plant and animal life.