I’ve come across a journal and I could relate to it. Not all the things but most of it. Had to post it.
“Today is like any other day except it ain’t so ordinary. Today her heart ached more than other days before. She didn’t understand why she felt a knot in her belly and clenched her teeth whenever she thought of him. What did he have that was so special? what did he have that seemed to have pierced her soul? It was difficult to explain. Some days she was convinced they belonged together, but he never tried to do anything about it. But when she did there was no response from him. Therefore she decided to cut connections with him. Cause even blocking him didn’t turn out to be a solution since she still found a way to check upon him. Everything she did reminded her of him. Honestly she didn’t give a damn, she wanted him whether he was good or bad, having him a minute or an hour, a day or weeks, to see him was all she asked for. To repeat that NIGHT again was all she thought about. She keeps pretending everything is just fine that the feelings are gone, but who is she fooling, those feelings are hammered in her. If the feelings haven’t vanished since months ago. Weeks won’t do. Hopes in her bloomed everyday seeking a way to get back to him. Why is it hard to love? or why is it even hard to love the wrong people? Love really sucks she repeated. She wished it was easy to forget and get over him. She couldn’t imagine the day where he moved on without her. She had him so close but yet so far from her. “Its alright, I’m fine” she convinced herself. During the day she sleeps and uncontrollably dreams of him everyday. Actually, they never dated or were a thing. But truth was, they had serious feelings for each other. Some days he confessed to feel jealousy towards her and even when he did not want to, he needed to know every move of her. Is he trying to hide his feelings? She’ll never know.”