Step by Step
Thursday, Oct. 29, 2015
” …(A) terrible thing happened. I ran out of people! Even my family didn’t have much use for me. When they saw me coming, they locked up the silverware and everything else of value. I felt very lonely and hurt, because nobody understood me. I felt very sorry for myself and attempted suicide on many occasions, making sure there was always somebody within reaching distance to see that I didn’t finish the job. Any time I tried to kill myself, I was either drunk or pilled up or both …” – Alcoholics Anonymous, 3rd Edition, 1976, “They Lost Nearly All,” Ch 4 (“Belle of the Bar”), pp 478-79.
Today: ” I ran out of people, ” …nobody understood me,” “I felt very sorry for myself.” What once was my prescription for life now sounds pathetic. Perhaps I refused or couldn’t understand anyone else because I was too self-absorbed. Maybe I felt sorry for myself because I had nothing to give or even offer anyone else. And maybe I ran out of people because I drove them away with my expectations that they make my wants and needs their total focus. As we sober up, we recover. As we recover, we see what we allowed our addictions to do to us and, in the end, what it did made us pathetic souls. In sobriety, I have no use, no excuse, no need and don’t want to be that pathetic creature who expects to be the focus of everyone else’s attention and, when I’m not, lash out in self-righteous indignation. I am not perfect in sobriety, but I don’t have to be and I’m grateful to say I’m not the pathetic self-seeker I once was. So it goes for progress in the Program. And our common journey continues. Step by step. – Chris M., 2015