My Diary- My story- My Life- 1

Hello Diary,

Well today I start my diary, if anyone is reading this then I apologize now because this is probably going to sound like the most depressing thing you have ever read. My name is Molly, I live in the UK and I’m 18 years old. I am currently doing an Apprenticeship as a Chef at my old high school. There is 9 of us in total in the kitchen including me. It gets very stressful in the kitchen but what makes it worse is the atmosphere its SO BAD! I don’t do that much out of work which probably explains why I don’t have many friends. I don’t get out enough.

For the last two and a half years I have been dealing with depression and anxiety. I have never been to the doctors about my feelings but as my diary continues it will probably explain why. My two best friends (and basically my only friends) have both been diagnosed with depression and have seen a doctor, one friend (Sammy) had no help from the doctors and is still struggling now and my other friend (Emily) is practically feeling better. Its so hard for me to talk to them about how im feeling because it seems to make them worse. People that I’ve spoken to online say that I should talk to them anyway but I would rather them tell me their problems so they feel better than me worry them with mine.  I have thought about suicide a lot… I have planned how I am going to do it… I have got to the point of writing a note to leave my family but I could never do it because its selfish. I still think about it though.

Anyway enough about that.. this Is who I am and my next entry’s will be about whatever happened in that day.

4 thoughts on “My Diary- My story- My Life- 1”

  1. There are always people here for you, I know exactly how you feel. I know people say that a lot but I really do. I have something sImilar to bipolar. Not so similar to depression but I have no real friends, I hate where I work and i struggle with anxiety and being sociallt awkward every day. I am 19 and live in the uk. But seriously, lots of people love you! There are always people to talk to, even if it is online. Your life is far too precious to throw it away. I hope you’ll be okay x

  2. Thank you so much for your comment. honestly I didn’t think anyone would ever read it! and im sorry to hear you struggle with similar problems. I know I have people that love me which is one of the main reasons I could never commit suicide, but it will never stop me thinking about it. One of the things that I wrote in my real diary AKA: my crumpled leather one under my bed, was that I overcomplicate everything, I don’t know whether you feel the same way but every person I meet or see, I think about what they thought of me, what would they think of me if they met me, when I was having a conversation with them what did I look like from their perspective… I know I probably sound crazy but I worry about everything and it scares me slightly. do you ever feel like this?

  3. I always feel like this. If you read my last entry, I was absolutely terrified of meeting up with two girls I went out with, I had a small panic attack before I met up with them. But everything ended up being fine, we got on really well and although I was scared at first about whether they’d like me and what they’d think, they did really like me! I’ll always be wary but I’m slowly learning to love myself and it’s made my life loads better. I’ve thought about suicide or what would happen if I got hit by a car? Would people care but of course they would, it’s all in your head hunny! I’m here to talk if you ever need a friend. I don’t have many friends and it’s nice to talk to people, even if it is over a computer screen x

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