Late night fears

Today I’m so confused I feel like k m just existing and I’m unsure how to live or exist right.I guess .I’m not sure how to do it right .I Google like most I think .how to bake a cake. check !how to get that stain out .check !how to fix my life in 10 easy steps. check !sometimes I read the results and think” really do they think this stuff is gonna work?” I feel like a good 70 percentis written by people who are doing great not a problem that rates above the first world and the rest seem to have mildly eascaped tragidy .I don’t understand !.I don’t get it !I don’t I hear stuff like theres always tommorow .while all the tommorows of yesterday are coming and going and drifting by in slow motion haunting me ,showing me all the stuff I can’t change the things I shouldve and could have done, and draining me of all the will to change .The new ones are blank canvases burnt by the same sun that rose and set over the past hurdaling tword me with such feroucity I can’t take it .terrifying. I can’t do it I tried I i failed I tried I failed I f’ed up !what do I do I feel like.like. My collars slowly tightening around my neck and the room is getting darker and the shadows are growing and the pain behind my eyes is hitting me what am I supposed to do.I’m lost and I all the answers I found don’t seem reachable don’t seem real I mean are they real .I have faked alright so many times but have i made it yet ?well lToday I’m so confused I feel like k m just existing and I’m unsure how to live or exist right.I guess I’m not sure how to do it right .I Google like most I think how to bake a cake check how to get that stain out check how to fix my life in 10 easy steps check sometimes I read the results and think really do they think this stuff is gonna work I feel like a good 70 percentis written by people who are doing great not a problem the rates below the first world and the rest seem to have mildly eascPed tragidy I don’t understand I don’t get it I don’t I hear stuff like theres always to!mlrow while all the tommorows of yesterday are coming and going and drifting by in slow motion haunting me showing me all the stuff I can’t change the things I shouldve and could have done and draining me of all me will to change the new ones blank canvases burnt by the same sun that rose and set over the past hurdaling tword me with such feroucity I can’t take it terrifying I can’t do it I tried I i failed I tried I failed I f’ed up what do I do I feel like. My collars slowly tightening around my neck and the room is getting darker and the shadows are growing and the pain behind my eyes is hitting me what am I supposed to do.I’m lost and I all the answers I found don’t seem reachable don’t seem real I mean are they real .I have faked alright so many times but have made it yet ?well.Let me check no not yet. I smiled and played along and painted this person on my face the one who knows what to do she’s strong and if she’d stay after the rain maybe she’d tell me what to do maybe she’d make me understand .

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