It’s Saturday. I have waited for this day all week.  I was able to sleep in. I actually woke up at 8 and then slept for another hour. So I guess 9am for a teenager is pretty good. Just a few years ago I was able to sleep in till 12 in the afternoon with absolute ease. I can’t do that anymore and I have no idea why. I go to bed before 10pm every night just because that’s when I have accustomed my body to get tired. I remember in the summer I would stay up till 2-4 in the morning talking to this girl. Those were the best days I swear. I had absolute no stress and times were good. Soon school started and I became stressed and we started fighting and everything started falling apart. I one hundred percent meant everything started falling apart. I didn’t know what to do with myself. I was so vulnerable it wasn’t funny. I could break down and cry from just thinking. After me and her stopped talking I became “savage” and just stopped caring. I don’t really talk to anybody anymore just because I need to get through school and get away from this place. I’m beyond ready to get away from this place. There is nothing here for me and to many bad memories have happened here. I guess in a sense I am trying to run away from my past. I know that’s not smart but everything reminds me of my past and I hate it. So… I’m going to college far away to get my bachelors in theology and that’s where I’m starting my life. I don’t know what’s going to happen after college but that’s not for me to decide in my opinion. Oh, I forgot to mention. When I said I want to get away from here to forget my past I didn’t mean all of this happened because of that one girl. I have wanted to get away from here ever since 7th grade. So many bad things have happened here that only few know about; so yea, just to anybody wondering. It’s not because of the girl. I have had other relationships but this one hit the hardest. I have gotten over it but the memories are still here.

I’m starting track Monday thankfully so that will get my mind away from everything. It will also create tons more stress because I will have to come home and immediately start writing and also try to do all of my homework. So there are ups and downs to doing track. I think I want to do track even with all the additional things that come with it. I’m a fairly sprinter but I also haven’t seen who all does track. Who knows, I could be the slowest one out there. Hopefully not. I am most defiantly not doing long distance. That will kill me.

I am supposed to go running at a park today but everybody seems to be canceling last minute so I don’t know now. I would like to have a partner to go with but that might not happen. I want to get  a gym membership but I seriously have no time for that so it would in all honestly be a waste of money.

I want a coffee. I have went a few weeks without a homemade coffee so I’m going to see about going to get some today. I miss coffee in all honestly. It gave me just a little bit of energy to make it through my day and I think we all know that I need some energy.

Well; that’s about it for today. Not a long journal but it’s about average. I will keep y’all updated as I continue through my journey.

-Lee Paysour

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