Happy birthday to me.  Wow 63…how did I get this old this fast?  Deal with it baby.  Well I am trying and it’s turning into an okay day.


Yesterday evening was the celebration with the sibs.  Since sis birthday is the 2nd and mine the 4th I picked having dinner on the 3rd.  Hard since this was the first family event without mother.  It was…okay.


 The drive in  this morning was tough…just hard.  So emotional.  This is my first ever birthday without my mom and I sobbed like a baby.  I just miss her so damn much, I really do.  Mostly I can hold it in and I can function but this morning…and so many memories.  Three years ago…at the start of the “hospital stays” phase, her first fluid overload stay was on my 60th birthday.  I remember laughing and telling her well it’s a new hospital but 60 years ago today you and I were at Witham together!  And then last year Mandi made me the cutest little Betty Boop cake!  First thing I did was drive over to mom’s so I could share it with her.  She loved it and ate two pieces.

How do I function for the rest of my life without her?  I don’t know.  I know I was more than blessed to have her with me up through most of my 63rd year on earth.  Goodness me…very bleased.  So…how do I carry on… One day at a time.  I know this much…she would WANT me to have a happy birthday.  She always taught us that the living must go on living.  And she was strong and never wanted to be “a baby”.  So I can’t be a baby about this.  I gotta be strong.

And hey my “baby” boy (my favorite son, but then he is the only one!) called first thing this morning to wish his mom a happy birthday.  Shoot can’t beat that with a stick.

So…Happy birthday to me!

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