Fuck this shit.

Breathe!!!!! 

I tell myself to breathe. Yet it see,s to be stuck inside me. This something that just won’t come. This feeling like I am been squashed and my chest is filling up and I am dying. 

I wish I was dying tho. Life I think would be so much easier if I couldn’t breathe. I am over this. I know it is meant to get easier. But it’s not. My feelings are killing me. I am jealous. I am selfish. I want everything. I know I suffer depression but this is just super gay. I just feel like crawling into a hole and never coming back up to breathe. I know I have so much to live for and I know people have it 10times worse than me but omg why does it hurt. I want my heart taken out of my chest and the pain to go away. But yet it is still there. It is never going to go away. It never will. Sometimes I wonder if anyone would miss me if I was gone. 

Been 26 and having these feelings suck. What sucks more is people don’t even know I am faking me smile every day. I am trapped and cursed with these feeling. They are eating me apart. I know feeling sorry for myself isn’t going to make this better and it isn’t going to make things better but please someone save me. 

 

I beg you!

SAVE ME!!!!! 

I am dying!!!! These feelings are trapping me into something I never want to feel again. 

Breathe!!!! 

I know breathing will help. No holding my breath!! 

Breathe!!! SAVE ME!!! 

 

3 thoughts on “Fuck this shit.”

  1. Please don’t stay all alone in your pain. Seek help from a doctor—-an antidepressant can make an incredible difference, really can. Meanwhile, know that someone cares (me) and I encourage you to let people know you are in pain—-close people or a counselor. You don’t have to go on feeling this same way. There is hope! Bless you.

  2. Hey.

    I used to think about dying. I used to think dying would be easy. But I don’t think it is anymore, mostly because I don’t know what happens after death. If there is only silence and non existence, then all this pain that I was feeling didn’t really matter so much, and I actually missed out on alot of things in life. If there is eternal happiness in a heaven somewhere, then the pain I felt was small and passing by comparison. The same goes for if there’s eternal suffering. But I don’t like the idea of eternal suffering.

    What I’m saying is that pain passes. It happens, and sometimes it feels like it’s never going to end. But it does. Things are still going to happen regardless. And then that pain will be a thing of the past and you can look back and say, “I got over that”. Sure, there will be more pain happening. It may seem like it never ends. But there are things besides pain that happen. So why not do those things?

    When you’re done, come and tell me about it. I’m still here.

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