I don’t wish death or for anyone to go through what I did.
I think I want the people who hurt me to die, but in reality I just want them to get help.
I hurt every single night and majority of the day, but I can’t fix that. I can never go back to my innocence.
I was raped for the first time at three. It “finished” at twelve… But, in reality, it will never finish because the main guy put the photos and videos online for everyone to see. And as far as I’m concerned, everyone has seen them.
Every few months when ‘they’ find out that I’m trying to take police control, I get a “visit” to remind me that they will always be in control.
There is so much more to my life but that is all I wanted to mention for now.
I simply wanted to thank you. I made it to my twenty-third birthday today because of you and a few others:
Olivia Benson or Mariska Hargitay
Amanda Rollins or Kelli Giddish
Erin Lindsey or Sophia Bush
Jenny Aschler or Meghann Fahy
Nadia Decotis or Stella Maeve
and Hank Voight or Jason Beghe (…I have never in my life trusted a man until Hank Voight… That is more progress in three seasons than in over ten years of therapy.)
Here, in Australia, it’s officially April 11. That means that I made it to the day after my birthday. I’m officially 23. I never expected to make it past six:
“But when I was six, I was clever as ever,
So I think I’ll be six now forever and ever.”
I used to read this poem every time an “incident” happened. I wanted to remain that age… minus three so I could go back to being innocent again.
But now? Your characters changed my life. I think I might actually make it to 24.