Well good morning, i made it through the day and night with little contact. Not even a good night text. but thats ok, i know darkness brings special quiet times, and i definitely was not going to interrupt that! i did allot of thinking while i was working in the yard. and this is simply mind over matter. i use to be so good at pushing down the negative in my life and heart, putting a smile on my face, choosing happy, and continuing on! And that, is what we shall do. Physical labour tonight in the yard, pool tomorrow with friends. maybe i’ll head to the Draft tomorrow night, by MYSELF! and have a drink. why? because i can. i just have to remember, and remind, i dont NEED someone in my life, i WANT them there. huge difference. i’m quite capable of looking after myself, remembering to take my meds. to eat when i’m hungry etc. i’m a grown woman, i’ve got this.
i chose peace, i wont let insecure thoughts poison my mind. I know who i am, i know what i am, i am happy with those thoughts in my heart.
i chose to smile, the soft secure look of someone who knows what they want, and how to achieve it. i chose to stomp on the demons of the past, that is where they belong, buried under the rubble of life. Not forgotten, but not dwelled upon. Learned from.
i chose submission. it fulfills me, completes me. makes me who i am today. i know i’m good at what i do, i do not need constant reassurance in that. i can tell by the look on his face, the contentment in his body language, the deep sigh that comes from his lips. Am i conceited? No, just confident that i have and will continue to, serve well.
When we started this journey, i had no idea if it was for a week, a month, 6 months. Neither of us did. Neither of us counted on feelings becoming involved. It was easy for me to forget about her, she was thousands of miles away. out of sight, out of mind. A foolish behavior on my part. i’ve done that before, and it didnt work then, and it wont work now. So, i will face erika, head on, with a welcoming smile. She may become a part of my life, she may not. Time will tell. Until that time, i will enjoy what we have, i know how my heart feels. I love the way he makes me feel when he looks at me, how my body tingles when he touches me, and the entire body shudder when he leans close, and whispers soft in my ear, his breath warm on my flesh, when he makes me melt into him, feeling like i am the only girl in the world that matters. Life is a journey, not one to walk into clean and tidy, but slide in, feet first, covered in dirt with a hell yeah!