A Pretty Bad Week

So I haven’t been in here to write for a while but that doesn’t mean there hasn’t been anything to write about … on the contrary … It’s been a couple weeks and my brain has been spinning about somethings that have been going on in my marriage … I sit and stew on things, He tries to let shit drop and be forgotten and for 95% of our relationship that’s been truly ok … This issue we’re having now cannot/will not be ignored … Things came to a head and I just couldn’t sit at the computer but I did write … So, I’m going to enter those writings here and now … Then that will set my diary to current and I can just move right along …. Thanks for understanding

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April 18th, 2016 (Monday)

315am – Disturbingly Quiet – – On the couch, dazing off into the flickering candlelight and feeling nothing but anger  Calm, VERY calm tears fall not even conscious of them dropping to my cheeks but not sad …. So Unbelievably Pissed Off … So pissed I’m shaking and have no concept of what to do or how to move forward – One thing screams through my brain over and over again … What the Fuck have I ever done or maybe didn’t do to deserve this ???  I think it’s a very reasonable question … And it’s one that will probably never get answered

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715am – Got a little nap – woke around 630am and only just noticed he tried to call around 600am … kinda glad I was asleep and couldn’t answer, no different than me texting him at 400am and him not acknowledging or responding  – Just don’t think I have what he needs/wants anymore … He makes it pretty clear that the physical is gone (Lord knows I’ve been rejected enough in the past 3 months)

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845am – Brother here – I’m trying to hold it together but, you know, it’s Brother and I start to lose it … I show him that I can actually, physically prove things and he knows I’m about to explode … Asks if I want him to say something and I said    yes …

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920am – Taking boy to school – just before the drop, he calls – not sounding real pleased as big wigs are in but no … it has nothing to do with that … Brother text him – So Now, of course, as always, Everything is my fault – I’m not dealing with the taking fault this time – I don’t know how many times he can blame everyone/everything else but himself for the situation we’re in – call just kept escalating … Finally, half hour from when it began, I was able to pull away from the curb at school and slowly, calmly, drive home

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1015am – I’m an absolute basket case !!!!  Can’t breathe – Can’t stop crying …. Brain won’t stop jumping from one bad idea to another and my eyes have had it and they just want to close ….

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130pm – OMG – Oh Shit – Thanks to Brother, I’m awake now – Oh Shit I slept all day – Shit Shit Shit  !!!!!

145pm – He called – He’s on his way home ….. OH JOY !!!

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630pm – He made it home before I left to get the boy from school – I was in the shower, so he walks in and says “Do you want to fight, argue and yell now or shall we wait ‘til after you get the kid” … Needless to say that pissed me off – Like really those are the first words you’re gonna say to me …. Whatever …. I just told him that I’m not gonna argue with him, there’s nothing to argue about …. The rest of the night was just quiet

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April 19th, 2016 (Tuesday)

10am – Well I guess you can call it an accomplishment … He made it to work today so at least I didn’t beat him … We really didn’t talk about any of it and I, for sure, have still not heard an apology

I know that he thinks (is hoping) that it’s just gonna be dropped and done with – Soooooo NOT gonna happen

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April 23rd, 2016 (Saturday)

630pm – Happy Saturday …. Kev worked today – Stayed up with him until he left for the warehouse then sat down on my couch and fell asleep – Very Nice … Ran some errands with the boy – Came home got groceries put away and just relaxed, waiting for him to get home …. Was very odd that I never heard from him all day but ok he was busy (?)

He got home and all was normal – Brother was here so they spent guy time in the mancave and took their walk to the liquor store, all very normal … Another hour and Brother heads for him … He wants some dinner which is fine, it’s already made

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930pm – He’s starting to fall asleep (not normal for a Saturday)  but he’s thirsty so he gets up to get something to drink and decides he’s going in for a shower, I tell him I’m next and normal is back in play … While he’s in the shower, I go into the bathroom and with a naughty smile on my face, tell him a couple things (LOL) … If this was a year ago, it would’ve been on but now the response is “that’s nice” … Just another rejection

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1000pm – Kev just getting out of the shower and Brother is texting … so Kev just calls him – Brother wants to know if I want to see my 4-legged niece … Totally a stupid question ……… I jump in a shower and 5 mins after I’m out, in comes my 4-legged niece … She loves here Auntie … and now … he’s not tired anymore (go figure)

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