Tarot says…

My foremost thoughts now are on the near future. Bf wants to buy another vehicle (we have 1) and move this summer. Financially we’re ok as long as ssi doesn’t screw up and cancel the payments… We have 2 disabled kids getting ssi, his job and now child support for the boys. And he’s asking me to get a job for more… A grave shift job so I can be home during the day for the kids. I have mixed feelings about it but for now, on to the reading…. It was a general question about our income and the finances he’s looking to delve into but I went with a 7 card past, present, future, effect layout…

On a pre-note, every single card was reversed.

The first card is long term past influences which made note of my emotional shut-down and inability to cope with many things. From the struggle to live at birth, to the abuse at the hands of “parents”, then on to a new family, counseling and having the dreams scared out of me after graduating high school, I’ve never completely recovered. I’m not sure that’s even possible.

The second card is more recent past influences which pointed out my feelings of incompleteness, existing tensions not letting up, and negative attitude towards women. Once again, all true.

The third card is the past, running into the present which brings up false ideals, dissatisfaction with the real world, perfectionism, looking for an ideal state. All of this has to do with the move, not liking where I was living and moving into a place I dislike even more. I thought I would love this place at first. It’s a great little historic town with a lot of character. And then, people ruin it… I Do want everything to be perfect and I dislike that perfection (the ideal perfection in my mind) is impossible. Bf’s ex’s family blames me for the break up despite him telling them that he left her because of her lies, drugs and cheating. They can’t accept that she did anything wrong. In my world, everyone would be responsible, honest and get along.

The forth card is the present situation which tells me to use extreme caution when dealing with others (as if I already didn’t), commitments made by others unlikely to be kept, broken promises and a time of great illusion… The illusion may come in where it appears to me that everyone but me is taking this situation well. I haven’t received any promises or commitments but if I do, I take them lightly anyway. I’ve been through enough to know better than to get my hopes up. I need to look more into this because I think I’m closing myself off to the obvious and subconsciously refusing to see something that anyone would normally notice.

The fifth card is near future development. This is telling me to read the fine print, don’t rush into a commitment and don’t hold on to unnecessary situations. Simple enough, common sense and a great reminder in a time of chaos.

The sixth card is supportive influences which is pointing to my actions being the result of wanting to belong/fit in/be accepted. It directly points out my feelings of isolation and alienation due to lack of self-confidence¬† and self-awareness… *Work in progress…

The final card is influences that one must overcome which exactly reiterates everything previous… Not being able to trust what is seen and heard, unfulfilled promises and lack of imagination or vision. I’m not sure where I lost my imagination. I used to write a lot of poetry and short stories. Now I can’t remember the last time…

So, this was really just a general reading since I’m new to tarot and have a lot of work to do opening myself back up. I’ve been doing chakra work as well. I was told a long time ago that I’m a natural healer. I would love to tap into that ability again and be able to do good things with it.

I remember now part of the reason I quit writing… My brain hurts and I’m emotionally exhausted after just these 2 entries. I think I’m going to take a nap before everyone gets home today…

Blessed Be )O(

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