11/12/15 I have lost hearing in my right ear due to a cold, but the voices are much more muted and yet still persistent. While I was applying makeup in the bathroom a couple days ago, a very rude and angry sounding woman was yelling at me “this isn’t funny!” It blew my mind and infuriated me as I was minding my own business, to think that I would enjoy the awful attention made me want to spit in their nonexistent mouths. I get to be the butt of their jokes and every part of me hates this. Not to mention that I hear them during times when I am busy with work. They are disrespectful to me and this is such a hard thing to relate to and no one understands the struggle I am faced with. They insult me as I write this. They exist as background noise, very similar to being a piece of furniture but less useful. I got so frustrated at one point that I pulled out a sheet of paper and demanded that they tell me what they wanted. “Don’t talk to her” a woman said.

12/6/15 I have no intention of communicating with them. It demands too much of an effort that is not worth the outcome of appearing dumb. At times it seems like they expect my emotional responses to match their own in some conflict without resolve. I feel as though I am not important enough to offend anyone and their negativity has nothing to do with me despite the personal nature of what is being said. I do not feel this way about myself and the offhand remarks are irrelevant to me. However, this has become a type of daily rejection for me to endure and I am growing used to it. They must lack some control over their own lives to attempt controlling mine. I am summed up into words and passively commented on as if I don’t matter. I feel degraded while they speculate in my presence and comment on the mundane. They seem so interesting and yet they aren’t. I often hear them saying “you’re weird” on occasion. I believe they enjoy annoying me and it is a mild form of torture. I cannot get a second to myself to heal from this. “You need help/therapy.” It pisses me off to hear that as well as “you’re fucked up.” They fail to understand what they are doing to me or simply don’t care at all. I can’t help but obsess over this because they never leave me, they follow me everywhere I go. They stalk and harass me trying to get my attention or to engage me in unnecessary conversations. I am the loser in all of this and cannot do anything about it. They repeat their phrases stupidly….they depend on my lowness (whatever) to claim how much better they are. I must keep in mind that they are more sick than I am.

12/13/16 I’ve taken the time to write down what they’ve been saying to me. The voices are identified by gender for the most part, if not it was because I was writing everything so fast.

“You’re so fucking stupid” (m)
“We know everything” (m)
“She’s crazy”
“You are a victim” (f)
“You don’t get it” (m)
“You are crazy” (f)
“She looks like it”
“You’re a mess, write that down”
“What’s your problem?”
“What does she want?”
“What’s wrong with you?” (m)
“What is wrong with her?”

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