Im so confused, finally he’s moved slightly closer to me, a state away and we’ve been talking nonstop, and I’m starting to develop feelings but I’m trying not to let them through.
Is this what i want? Look I’ve been single all my life, and don’t get me wrong its not like i like this life, i have actually liked people and been on dates but its never gone further, as in an official relationship. I tend to make the first move of telling them that i like them and then they go find someone better and just rub it in my face. And now i’ve gotten used to being alone. As depressing as it sounds, i like my own company, i don’t have to dress up or be happy and cheerful all the time and most importantly i can do what i want. But now he’s come back in my life.
We met in Preschool and he had a crush on me, on the first day he told me “One day I’m going to find you and marry you” and i ran away. Fast forward 11 years, i decide to attend a scouts event where scouts all over the country come together for a four day camporee full of activities and worship, its christian based scouts. So one night I’m coming back from evening worship with some friends and i was busting to pee and it was like peek hour at the toilets there were lines and lines of people and from the corner of my mind i recognise him, he had left in year 4 and i hadn’t seen him in 7 years but his face stuck, there we said hi and it was like he had never left, we still had that slight chemistry and from then on we kept in contact he told me where he lived and that was the other side of the country.
I really do like him but you know that feeling you get when you know somethings not right, well its that gut feeling that has me guarded, no matter how pessimistic i am about love theres always going to be that little 4 year old girl who dreamed of a fairytale love in the back of my head. And now I’m thinking realistic and how is this going to work? With everything in my life i think long term and I’m not sure if i want this type of relationship, right know i keep telling myself we are getting to know each other and we are but i feel like the more i know the more I’m going to want to be with him and I’ve been alone for so long now, I’m not sure if i can take a long distance relationship. I don’t know what to do, i want to be honest but I’m scared.