Alone

I’m not gonna bother making this next one with Comic Sans. You know, I have to change the font back to Comic Sans every time I hit enter because apparently it keeps resetting to default.

Any-hooters, I’m back with another entry cause I’m a little confused about where I’m going with my life. About high school. It’s been about a week and a half now, and I finally got out of my school (more or less). The details are unimportant, but just know that I’m going to be going into online high school someday or another.

I made the decision on my own because I’m suffering in high school. I can’t sit in a classroom while my nausea is kicking my butt, it keeps me from focusing. So I thought “Hmm, it would be a lot easier on me if I can do my schoolwork in the comfort of my own home, the only place where I don’t get nauseous.”

So now that you’re caught up, let me explain my predicament. I’m still signing up for online high school, and I still haven’t dropped out of my public school. That’s all good and dandy, but I have to go to the public library every day so I can get out of the house. Get this: My mom doesn’t want me and my brothers to stay at the house 24/7. Here’s why.

Her boyfriend lives with us. They have a very…volatile relationship. Not like domestic abuse or anything, okay, hold your horses. But they argue a lot because he’s kinda nuts in the head. Because of that, he gets upset at every little thing we do (or don’t do). For instance, if he says hello to me when we pass each other, I HAVE to say hello back or he’ll complain to my mom about how we don’t like him. And then they argue about how it stinks in the house or something.

Oh yeah, all of their arguments always end up talking about the same things. How we stink, how we’re lazy, stuff like that. So on that note, we usually have to avoid him. One of the worst things about this whole ordeal is that my mom is still connected to my dad, and he doesn’t know about her new boyfriend. She’s been trying to divorce our dad because it’s illegal to marry someone else while you’re still married, but the son of a gun won’t do it.

Not only does that mean we have to go spend time with him every Saturday cause he still has some custody over us, but we also have to keep the whole thing a secret. Mom’s bf knows about our father, but he doesn’t know that we still have to go see him. Why my mother won’t explain that to him so we don’t have to keep it a secret is beyond me, but that’s how things are.

As for our father, he has no idea about her new boyfriend. So we have to keep that a secret too. Not to mention we can’t mention either of them to other people. For example: In school, I can’t tell people about my dad as well as mom’s new boyfriend. If I did that, and then my father came to my school, they could tell him and we’d be screwed. I hate keeping secrets, let me tell you now. I’ve never felt so…I don’t even know how I feel. Alone, I guess. Unnecessary, maybe?

It’s okay though. I’m not worth getting worried over. Back to my original topic, we have to go to the library every day now because my mom doesn’t want us at home. She says it’s because we’ll make her boyfriend upset. I’m still uncertain how to feel about her. She’s been siding with him awfully much recently. After all the things he’s said and done to her (like I said, no domestic abuse), I’m surprised she still likes him. I already know that they’re never going to get married because they pretty much hate each other (at least I think they do), so what’s the point of staying together?

And every other day they fight. I swear to god, it happens so often, you could set your watch by it. Because of this minefield of a relationship, my brothers and I usually have to hole up in our room (Small house so there’s two bedrooms) until they calm down. I think this is a good time to say that I have ADHD. For those of you who know what it is, I’m sure you can understand that I hate being cooped up in a place.

Not to mention it’s really hot in our room because we’re in summer right now. Because of these reasons, I sometimes take walks around our house to enjoy the AC (Which is in the hallway). But then I hear my mom tell me that I can’t leave the room because her boyfriend is still in the house and I get pissed off.

She obviously cares more about how he feels than how I feel. If she didn’t we would have left that jackass a long time ago. And here I thought blood was thicker than water.

So there’s part two, I might type part three right after this just because.

2 thoughts on “Alone”

  1. You’ve explained our predicament better than I did.

    But to clarify on some things: She doesn’t tell her bf about dad because bf will get angry. You see how he gets mad over every little thing.

    Also she isn’t really siding with him. There’s a long complicated explanation that I tried to explain before but didn’t due to my frustration.

    Anyway, you aren’t alone. You have me. We’re kinda in the same boat so we gotta stick together

  2. You say we’re in the same boat, but you don’t usually listen to the things I say, or if you do, you don’t care. When I start talking about my problems or thoughts, you get that look on your face like you’re just annoyed with me. That’s why I feel like I have no one to talk to about this kind of stuff.

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