I’ll be.

One day, I will be rocking in a chair at a nursing home, living as a widow and waiting for my children to visit a few times a year. My nurses will be responsible for taking care of me, something I used to be able to do on my own. 90% of my friends will be gone, and the rest I’ll never be able to see again. I won’t be healthy enough to leave my room, leaving me many long hours to think. I’ll think about the days I spent in elementary school, playing on the playground twice a day. I’ll think about middle school, and getting my first taste of boys, I’ll think about the hundreds of soccer games I played, spending every day with the same 17 girls to become a power team. I’ll think about the stresses of senior year, choosing a major and place to determine my future. I’ll think of the late college parties, and the night I met “the one”. I’ll especially think of my wedding day, being the last in my family to walk down the aisle, leaving my father’s arm to grab my husband’s hand. I’ll think of the pain I felt birthing my first child, and choosing to do it two more times. I’ll remember watching my kid’s grow up, becoming their own amazing individual. I’ll think of all the important things in life, and I’ll only be able to laugh at all the hardships I went through. Sitting in my chair, I’ll realize that somehow the only thing that matters in life are building relationships with people, and making memories. I want to be able to look back, and have done so many things that I’ll always be thinking. Thinking of the time I spent all my savings from my first couple years or work, on one week in Italy. I’ll think of the time I went parasailing, or the time I went kayaking at 2 in the morning. I will feel myself growing tired. The nurses will ask me ( as they always do to anyone laying on their death bed) what my advice would be to someone beginning their life. I’ll look at them, and smile, and say “At the end of the day, all you’ll have are the people you care about, and the memories you’ve made. So make sure to choose your friends wisely, and don’t let anyone stay in your life who doesn’t deserve you. Go out of your way to make friends, and make memories. Do something crazy, because those are the best to look back on. Don’t let anything hold you back, and remember you have one life. The decisions you make won’t affect anyone else except yours. Do good. Reach out to those in need, and never hurt someone on purpose. In 100 years nobody will remember you anyways, so do what makes you happy. Trust me, from your first day on preschool, to your first day of retirement you’ll wonder where the time went. Only you get to write your story, so choose wisely. and cherish every day as it’s the last. Live knowing  life is short, and life is good.” I’ll take my last breath, and think of heaven. I’ll be comfortable, and ready to go. It will be an easy death, and I’ll become just another body. The world will go on, welcoming new people every day, and losing people every day. In 200 years, I’ll be completely forgotten; to which is truly just a blink of an eye. 

3 thoughts on “I’ll be.”

  1. This entry really has touched my heart. It is one of my favourites that I have ever read on the site. It is life. Sending you so much warmth and blessings xx

  2. Thank you so much! I wish you all the best. @open_book

  3. A beautiful entry. So true. You have captured the essence of life being short and so important to live well and joyfully as possible. Please write more. Bless you!

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