i wonder a lot whether it’s worth it to keep living
not in a way where like, i’m actually going to kill myself. i think my kind of constant thinking about it is that i started thinking about it when my neural pathways were still forming or some shit, so it’s gonna kind of always be there. isn’t life grand.
no but what i mean is like. none of my friends like me. i can see it in the way they act around me and the way they look at each other when i come along. i know i know i know i’m an annoying person but i don’t know how to stop being such an insufferable person. literally the only things that matter to me rn are my friends, and i don’t know what i’m going to do when they finally say they don’t want me around anymore. it’s inevitable i suppose just like death.
god aren’t i morbid
anyway, can’t wait until my cowardly ass finally gets the courage to go through with dying. peace