Never let anyone rob you of your self-esteem

Taylor – a girl I play soccer with, but am not exactly friends with – invited us to a pick-up soccer game last night. Indoor fields are limited here so even a pick-up requires planning, money, etc. As soon as I got there, however, I realized Mike and I were only asked to play to take up space. I didn’t have an issue with this because sometimes you just need extra bodies to get a game going. What pissed me the fuck off was how she and her group of friends tried to use us as way to practice. Her entire co-ed team showed up so this is a group of skilled people who’ve played together for a long time. When they split up the teams, they tried to place Mike and I with a bunch of randoms. I don’t have an issue playing with new players, but you could tell some of them had never played the game before or were just getting back into it after time off. They set it all up so they’d have a team to play against that they could annihilate. Have you every purposely hung out with an ugly friend so you could feel better about yourself? This was like that, only instead of trying to feel more attractive, they were trying to feel like Ronaldo. I felt like a fucking idiot. I’m nobody’s pawn. We played a shift with these new players and held on well enough, but you could tell it was only a matter of time before they started to beat us. No fucking way was I having that! Mike and I decided to walk away and play our own game on another field. It felt good to walk away. The worst part about that entire situation is they aren’t even people we like or want to be friends with. We’re all involved in the soccer world, but other than that we have nothing in common. I can’t explain how I felt, but I’m not used to being on the bottom rung of any ladder and I didn’t like feeling like a fucking second string loser they didn’t want on their team. Especially because we’re just as skilled (if not more so) than they are. Anyway, the point of this entry is to serve as a reminder that I should never let anyone fuck with my self-esteem. If you’re going to make me feel bad about my existence I want nothing to do with it.

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