we survived the storm…..

The hurricane wasn’t devastating to my particular area in florida.. but there were parts of northern florida and further up into the northern states where damages were extreme… better to be safe than sorry.. Governor Scott really put the fear into people.. making statements on news saying if people didn’t evacuate there would be countless body bags… wtf? 

my son in law “attempted” to place a board up against my bedroom window.. the board was a fraction of the size of the window..there really was no point to it.. majority of  the window was  exposed.. prior to me getting home to see this small board mounted to my window, my son in law calls me and tells me  ” hey did you see the crack in your window… “..  * silence on my end*  ( I look out that window constantly.. I have never seen a crack in my bedroom window..) ok.. if there is one…  it has to be tiny tiny..   right?

so I get home.. I walk in after work.. go right to my room… to leash up doggies  for their peepee break..i pull the bedroom window curtain back.. and holy shitballs.. there is a major crack from the frame of the window clear across to the other side…instant blood boil… I walk the dog out to the front door to go outside.. and you could hear a pin drop its so quiet.. neither my daughter or son in law is saying a word because they know.. my fire has been lit

so I say to my son in law on my way out the door.. ummm the crack obviously came from you putting that board up on the window.. you made it sound like it was already there.. and then I walked outside with the dog..   * silence*

I come back in to leash up doggy number 2, and im more pissed by the minute… .. tension is thick.. son in law and daughter know im beyond limit… .. I go out back and see that the size of the board is only covering a quarter of the window..

I come back in and son in law isn’t in the living room anymore.. he has now gone out to his car to sit in it..

ok.. so I try to rationalize.. it was a helpful gesture… shit happens.. ok.. im gonna breathe in and breathe out.. and im not going to over react.. but reality of it all is that its going to come out of my pocket.. the expense to fix it..   and then for the storm not to have any major affects in our immediate area.. is the icing on the cake..

I can stomp up and down all day long its not going to change the fact that the window is broken.. and it is what it is…

then my youngest daughter calls this weekend.. and is upset with her boyfriend. who in turn is upset with her.. because she isn’t bringing any income into the house.. she is on blood thinners for the blood clots in her arm.. she is using his seizure medication  because she hasn’t had money to get her drs visit updated for her prescription to be renewed..

I just cant…  at this point.. hear this…  because I just recently spent 200 on clothes and necessities for her from her so called room mate throwing away all her stuff to make room for the next paying room mate.. and then I ordered her birth certificate to she could get her Id because her purse and id were also gone.. and then I paid her cell phone bill.. but her phone screen was broken and she got pissed and threw the phone away at that point because it would be too much to fix it.. and right after I just paid the monthly bill..   like there is no concept  of what a persons budget is.. I cant keep pulling money out of my behind.. wtf

I just couldn’t deal.. and I was short with her on the phone that she knew how her boyfriend was and that his moods are hard to deal with at times.. but that she eithers deals with it or leaves it.. there is no in between…. and at this point no compassion from my stand point…

I felt so bad afterwards.; and it wasn’t like I could call her back.. she was calling from her boyfriends phone..  I felt so awful… just seemed like flood gates of shit have been flooding into my world non stop… and then Saturday night.. I get a wave of illness that washes over me.. I know what this is .. and its not nice.. its  an anxiety attack.. I know enough to get myself into the shower and let cold water hit me.. my body tenses up into spasms… I feel like I want to throw up.. I feel unsafe.. I feel like I have no control…

my old rescue Chihuahua  Mr Bear   was barking non stop when I ran out of the room into the bathroom.. my oldest daughter heard him and came to investigate… she could hear from my sounds in the bathroom I wasn’t doing well.. and she suffers from anxiety as well but takes medication for it… so she knew what was happening to me.. I told her I had to just ride it out.. I would be ok… an hour later… water logged.. I went to bed…

took me the whole next day to come out of the foggy funk.. sick feeling.. anxiety is no joke… but once you find what works best for you.. you automatically run for it..  in my case  its  cold water… and ice to the wrists… that “shocking sensation”  snaps  you into  a distract mode… so to speak…

I hope my youngest daughter gets in touch with me soon.. I feel awful.. that I wasn’t more compassionate.. she has been dealt such a bad hand in general every day life..i wish I could do so much more to help her out…

its not like she grew up with having seizures.. they started when she was 19… shes been dealing for ten years now with them… and now the latest with the blood clots in the arm..

Jesus.. take the wheel…

my mom has been quiet lately.. she hasn’t been texting… and she will only text when shes been texted.. it seems like.. so I have no room for her childish behavior… I have too many other valid issues going on..

I know.. things could always be worse.. and I am thankful that they aren’t…

sometimes rolling with the punches is hard to do especially when its non stop punching going on..

prayers to all that suffered losses and damages  during the storm.. and prayers to everyone fighting a battle in life.. prayers and hopes that pains will ease… grief will subside..

everybody is fighting a battle of some kind… be kind.. be considerate… we aren’t on this planet forever…

 

 

One thought on “we survived the storm…..”

  1. I especially liked the last part of your blog. “Be kind, be considerate,” and “Prayer for those suffering from the hurricane.” It shows after all the personal stress you’ve been through and are going through, you’re still thinking of others as well. Good for you.
    God bless you.

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