I don’t know why you do the things you do. sometimes I think you have a real serious condition. growing up I never realized how sad you were and sometimes that makes me appreciate life more.

when you were sick I remember being there for you soaking in your tears, you were a real beautiful mess. I used to admire how much you could handle and how much you let get to you.

I know you were never satisfied. we share a lot in common. I think most of my years was spent sharing the wave of fears you had. you hate being alone and I think it’s because you never want to

truly deal with pain. you’d rather be hurt than alone and I don’t blame you for being so misunderstood. no one gets me like you do and I don’t think anyone will. you are my unstable rock

and even though you have brought so much pain in my life I can never thank you enough for showing me how much emotion a women so young could feel. you showed me your true colors so many times,

and they were not always colorful. on dull black days you showed me how much someone could hurt but how they never gave up. on yellow days you showed me how to mask the pain and hold a mirror

to your face and paint on perfectly lined lips. when you finally couldn’t take it you left. it hurt so bad because I knew you were on the verge of giving up. I told myself that I should hate you

that I should never look back and forgive you. but you showed me so much I could never hurt you. when I would cut myself you would too and I think that was our sickened bond. you hurt like I did

and even though our stories are so different you are my everything. I don’t think anyone sane could understand this but sometimes I think it was only meant for us to understand. the beauty of madness

and pain. how someone can feel so much all at once. how dark they let their mind wonder, and how crazy people would think of them. this was us combined, every bad thing you could think of

was us and that’s what made us so beautiful. my dearest mother, how grateful I am to call you mine. your demented mind will forever amaze me. I love you like none other. and I will forever

understand you.

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