Thursday…

so as im leaving this morning.. and I glance over to the two sleeping wonders of the world.. ( my daughter and son in law) im wondering why im being extra quiet leaving .. for  WORK… how is this ? I  shut the door behind me.. without care of who woke up at that point.. I have to be.. cause bill don’t get paid if I don’t..

I get in the car.. im guessing this is paving way for my mood for the rest of the day…

remembering six months ago my son in law coming to me telling me they had been staying in their vehicle for a few days as homeless people do… when they don’t have a home but still have a vehicle …. and telling me how they needed and wanted to stay with me  but it wouldn’t be  more than a week..  and wow.. they have been in my living room six months..

im losing patience… I have heard about all the potential jobs  son in law claims he is applying for and is going to get… I have heard how they are gonna get a place… but here we are..

and lately my neighborhood has changed quite a bit.. apartment complexes  usually do…. few apartments become vacant  and then get snapped up… and its a constant revolving door.. some neighbors you like  some neighbors  you don’t.. and I used to leave the key on the back patio for my son in law and daughter because I didn’t want them to have a key for their convenience..to come and go when they pleased.. but we had to do the spare key thing… and then last night one of my dogs knocked his food plate over.. because he was pissed there was no water in his bowl.. so at like 12:45am it wakes me up.. I go out to get a drink and fill up his bowl.. and notice my daughter is up  but son in law is not there…

oh hell no…..

I ask where is he.. she says  she just spoke to him.. he is close by… meanwhile she must have messaged him and told him I was up..  yes the beast has arisen…

he messaged my phone..he knew I would be pissed.. so the sucking up began..

shaking my head

normal people are sleeping at that time because majority of those normal people have normal routines like fcking going to work…

yeah… im either gonna be arrested soon or baker acted into a mental facility soon because I don’t know how much more I can take…

and then you have my mother…  who is still on her mission with the old child support court hearing against my dad  and the fact that they are both 70 years old..

she has assumed such a victim persona… its  ridiculous she wanted me to write a letter for her behalf… hell no.. I wont.. im not getting involved in this circus event…

my mom sends me a text message yesterday saying how she hopes she isn’t getting kidney stones again… ( eyeroll)  well.. lets  see.  the doctor diagnosed her with kidney stones about a year and a half ago.. they then scheduled an outpatient procedure to break the stones up… but my mother chose to drink three beers… and believe within her own mind that she then was able to pass them…

obviously if a doctor schedules this type of procedure to be done.. its because the scan they did showed the size of the stones and the inability to “pass” them… so even if in her own mind she passed her stones.. it could have been smaller ones  and there may be more larger ones  that are now starting to remind her that they are there..

she ends the conversations with me when I start to make sense to her.. and she starts to feel like she the child and im the parent.

im sorry  but  you want pity.. and I cant scrape any together for you because well… it doesn’t deserve to be a pity party.. you knew.. you ignored.. and now  it has come to the surface again… as it should.. its a valid situation..  what am I supposed to say… ? 

then she proceeds to tell me that she is still on a mission to find a cheap car… since she totaled her truck… and that she rode her bicycle up to the dealership.. and she test drove a couple.. she had the salesman believing that she is so broke and having trouble even with grocery money budget.. she will have to see what she can do..

that man put her bike in his car and gave some money for groceries.. can you believe that? and she really should be ashamed of her self…I know my mother has not let her self get down to a broke state of affairs financially.. she may claim it.. but I know she is secretive and she puts money away .. always has  and always will.. she has no credit card debt.. I think she went thru a bankruptcy if im not mistaken like two years ago… she lives in an rv.. a fifth wheel.. one that you drive.. so the lot she lives on cant be that much a month…she gets social security for her and her husband.. she pays no taxes.. she sold her house she had..

come on… rest it… im not convinced she is bad off like she claims..

I really need to win the lottery… I will  buy her a cabin somewhere.. and a nice truck  and call it a day… omg..

so I turned the key to the age of 50.. october 30th… my girlfriend in Connecticut sent me a box of little cakes that spelled out happy birthday.. omg  delish.. it was like getting a birthday cake thru the mail…

a child hood friend sent me a gift card for olive garden… and my old time besty friend… took me to dinner…on my birthday… he is always so thoughtful… im so thankful he looks after me… 20 plus years…

my dad sent me fifty dollars.. I used the money to send a box of clothes to my youngest daughter and I put some of that money in a purse in the clothes I sent to her..

my mom also sent me fifty.. I used that to pay my granddaughters phone bill..

from one hand to the next…… just trying to keep paying it forward…

what was interesting…. about birthday time… was last year… I was really into someone… he was just coming out of his marriage.. but we had been friends for the past nine years..and we knew each other prior to him getting married..but maybe the timing was off for him… I was really into him… the ideal.. big burly puertorican bear motorcycle riding masculine guy… lived an hour north  of me.. so for my birthday last year.. I drove up to stay the night and hang out with him and some of his friends.. It was pre Halloween party time at some of their favorite watering holes… we had a nice time together;.. but soon after.. we broke away from each other… he was still dealing with his marriage break up… denial.. hurt.. the whole process.. I never really got a decent explanation of why we weren’t seeing each other anymore..

and then a year later…

halloween…  this past Monday.. I get up getting ready for work.. and he texts  me..  happy boo day.. and asked how have  I been…I said  good.. and how nice it was to hear from him..asked how he was was.. he confirmed  good.. so today.. I texted and said  good morning.. hope your day is awesome..

he responded with good morning and that its a good day every day that god gives him life…and wished me a good day too…

i know he has been in touch with my son in law… because he tried to get him a job where he works.. and low and behold  this man has now moved here to my town and no longer is an hour north of me…

but we haven’t seen each other… and the way we ended.. with no reason.. no conversation… even though i asked numerous times… why..was never given proper closure… intense.. feelings  though.. i must admit..

so im confused with the year later text… hmmmmmm

so onward with this day.. blessings to all those in need… may god place healing hands on the sick and innocent.. and give guidance to those who are in need..

 

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