A lot has happened since my last entry and honestly, I don’t know where to start. Probably I’ll just talk about what hurt me the most.
I can’t tell if I’m okay or not. But I am trying to be. I’m too sad to be happy but too tired to cry at the same time, I always get that feeling.
I have a lot in mind but I don’t know how to put it in words.
I lost a friend. A special one. A bestfriend I guess. I don’t even know what we are but he is important to me. we haven’t talked to each other for more than a week already. I miss him. I miss talking to him. I miss our conversations. I wonder if he does too. But i guess he does not, he wanted to end our friendship, without a clear explaination. He left me clueless. And it hurt. Still hurts. It hurts everytime I remember or I reread our past conversations and everytime I remember his promise. But I’m trying to be okay, I will be eventually. I know it will just pass. It has to.
I’m tired of holding people back so I’m teaching myself to let go. People come and go. Everyone will leave eventually I know that, even if they promised a thousand times that they won’t. I just can’t help not to get sad when people do. It still hurt eventhough i saw it coming.
I’ve lost a lot of people already. not literally, but their presence. It’s hard when you get attach easily because it will also be hard to move on when people leave. I know how hard and painful it is to be left behind especially without any explainations. That’s why I don’t leave people unless there is a valid reason and I think that’s why it hurts so much when people leave me.
I wish I can keep the people I have right now forever. Wouldn’t it be great? No more goodbyes. No more feeling of loneliness. But it can’t be because of the innevitable thing called CHANGE.