Goodbyes & Changes

A lot has happened since my last entry and honestly, I don’t know where to start. Probably I’ll just talk about what hurt me the most.

I can’t tell if I’m okay or not. But I am trying to be. I’m too sad to be happy but too tired to cry at the same time, I always get that feeling.

I have a lot in mind but I don’t know how to put it in words. 

I lost a friend. A special one. A bestfriend I guess. I don’t even know what we are but he is important to me. we haven’t talked to each other for more than a week already. I miss him. I miss talking to him. I miss our conversations. I wonder if he does too. But i guess he does not, he wanted to end our friendship, without a clear explaination. He left me clueless. And it hurt. Still hurts. It hurts everytime I remember or I reread our past conversations and everytime I remember his promise. But I’m trying to be okay, I will be eventually. I know it will just pass. It has to. 

I’m tired of holding people back so I’m teaching myself to let go. People come and go. Everyone will leave eventually I know that, even if they promised a thousand times that they won’t. I just can’t help not to get sad when people do. It still hurt eventhough i saw it coming. 

I’ve lost a lot of people already. not literally, but their presence. It’s hard when you get attach easily because it will also be hard to move on when people leave. I know how hard and painful it is to be left behind especially without any explainations. That’s why I don’t leave people unless there is a valid reason and I think that’s why it hurts so much when people leave me. 

I wish I can keep the people I have right now forever. Wouldn’t it be great? No more goodbyes. No more feeling of loneliness. But it can’t be because of the innevitable thing called CHANGE. 

 

 

One thought on “Goodbyes & Changes”

  1. I definitely know the feeling that you’re experiencing. It’s soooo painful & I wish we didn’t have to go threw it. Just remember you’re not holding people back. Know your value and worth. You are wonderful and beautiful. & sometimes life just sucks, but it only gets better with age. or so I hope. Sending happiness!

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