I don’t really use Facebook anymore but I went on there to search for a photo. I haven’t been on Facebook in a LONG time, I don’t really use online social networks anymore, nothing like twitter or instagram or anything like that. I found the photo I wanted and I usually write on my friend Jodi’s facebook wall, like I missed her. She died by suicide back in August 2010 and her death really affected me; her brother told me I was the only one she spoke her truest emotions to…he found all our e-mails and obviously that’s how he could e-mail me to say what had happened her. Her actual Facebook has been removed now…for years I would still post on there to wish her a Happy Birthday and I am actually quite upset her page is gone. All that’s left is the Facebook group that was set up for her when she died called RIP Jodi. Obviously I posted on there for her…it’s not dissimilar from posting on her Facebook page but I don’t know, I feel odd and I just wish her page hadn’t been taken down. She had a beautiful photo on there. Anyway this was a few days ago that I tried to leave her a facebook wall post and couldn’t because the page has been taken down…I last wrote a poem about her in 2014, just two years ago so I want to post that because I’m thinking of her and I’m kind of upset her Facebook page has been taken down 🙁 I know I’m stupid to be upset over it but I just am. My poem was obviously written when I was feeling suicidal myself and was thinking about joining her. It proves miracles can happen though…I wrote this in February 2014 by October 2014 I was pregnant.
The dark butterfly flutters gently on
Through a world of delicate things,
Yet still they shatter like glass fireworks
At the touch of her blackened wings.
God etched a perfect outline
But He just forgot to colour me in,
Life then took a black paintbrush
And inked me with depression and sin.
I rested briefly on your noose
Hoping to make it right,
But God accepted your resignation
And I had to fly sadly into the night.
I still pass through your glades of summer
With every passing year,
The noose now a ghost blowing peacefully in the wind
Where I will always leave a shining tear.
The tears turn into pearls of light
Falling downwards in the hour glass of time,
Letters of my own resignation brushing past
That God has yet to sign.