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Jodi

I don’t really use Facebook anymore but I went on there to search for a photo. I haven’t been on Facebook in a LONG time, I don’t really use online social networks anymore, nothing like twitter or instagram or anything like that. I found the photo I wanted and I usually write on my friend Jodi’s facebook wall, like I missed her. She died by suicide back in August 2010 and her death really affected me; her brother told me I was the only one she spoke her truest emotions to…he found all our e-mails and obviously that’s how he could e-mail me to say what had happened her. Her actual Facebook has been removed now…for years I would still post on there to wish her a Happy Birthday and I am actually quite upset her page is gone. All that’s left is the Facebook group that was set up for her when she died called RIP Jodi. Obviously I posted on there for her…it’s not dissimilar from posting on her Facebook page but I don’t know, I feel odd and I just wish her page hadn’t been taken down. She had a beautiful photo on there. Anyway this was a few days ago that I tried to leave her a facebook wall post and couldn’t because the page has been taken down…I last wrote a poem about her in 2014, just two years ago so I want to post that because I’m thinking of her and I’m kind of upset her Facebook page has been taken down 🙁 I know I’m stupid to be upset over it but I just am. My poem was obviously written when I was feeling suicidal myself and was thinking about joining her. It proves miracles can happen though…I wrote this in February 2014 by October 2014 I was pregnant.

The dark butterfly flutters gently on

Through a world of delicate things,

Yet still they shatter like glass fireworks

At the touch of her blackened wings.

 

God etched a perfect outline

But He just forgot to colour me in,

Life then took a black paintbrush

And inked me with depression and sin.

 

I rested briefly on your noose

Hoping to make it right,

But God accepted your resignation

And I had to fly sadly into the night.

 

I still pass through your glades of summer

With every passing year,

The noose now a ghost blowing peacefully in the wind

Where I will always leave a shining tear.

 

The tears turn into pearls of light

Falling downwards in the hour glass of time,

Letters of my own resignation brushing past

That God has yet to sign.

6 thoughts on “Jodi”

  1. A beautiful poem, very touching, very heartfelt. I am so sorry Jodi left us, for we all lose when a soul leaves us behind. But we must continue forward and keep their memories alive in our heart and soul.

    Bless you my friend.

  2. Thank you to all three of you for your lovely comments, I think people are much nicer to me than I deserve! I honestly write poetry to get things out, it’s such a release to write a poem. Problem is I cannot seem to write anything about a happy topic. But I guess the point is to help me in sad times. I think I’m feeling better about my friends’ Facebook page being taken down…I guess I just don’t want her to feel any further away from me than she already is and having the Facebook page was like part of her was still actually there…I am not making much sense. But she’ll always be with me in my memories I know that.

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