The Night Before Thanksgiving

I had high hopes of focusing on my diet during the holiday season. While everyone else is living it up and stuffing themselves, I was going to try a well planned juice detox. At this point, it isn’t necessary. I have no appetite. Food is not appealing what so ever and tastes like ash in my mouth. The tiny amounts that I have managed to consume have irritated my belly.

What’s worse is that I have been using comfort eating as a strategy with the kids. I’ve been cramming sweets in their mouths trying to fill that aching void.

I know it is stupid and I probably sound like a little kid, but I miss her so much. I knew it was inevitable, but damnit. What’s worse is that it’s so obvious Jake misses her too. He keeps bringing me her black mouse, the one she played with on her sicker days when all she could do was bat at it with her front paws. He looks up at me like “Where is she, mommy? I want my sister.” Poor Jake. He has even thrown up a few times. Stress effects his stomach too. Atleast Tyrion and Andy have moved on in typical feline style.

Deedee and I talked about things since this effects her the most. We are staying a 3 cat family, but she would like to get a chinese water dragon. The last lizard we had in the house was a sweetie beardie that we re-homed up North. We would have loved to take her with us, but we were worried about how to handle moving with all that specialized equipment. In the end, the bearded dragon was given to the best possible person and has flourished in her new home. Of course this makes me want to cry. One time Deedee took the beardie out of her tank to show her friends and Toothless snuck into the empty take and got stuck. I found her in there looking utterly embarassed. Naturally I took a few pictures before I rescued her.

So I guess that’s it. Oh, I should write something I am Thankful for – My family. Together we will get through this. I love my family with all my heart.

2 thoughts on “The Night Before Thanksgiving”

  1. The Chinese water dragon sounds like a great idea actually!! It honestly does get better…when Saskia died on 7th September I just walked around all the time on the verge of tears and had that embarrassing wobble to my voice whenever I talked about her. It was really bad for the first few days and the house was just so empty. I kept expecting to hear her paws clicking on our laminate flooring…and sometimes I think I can hear her paws clicking and think it actually is her. I save some of my dinner for her still (pork chops) but then realise she’s not there anymore. I’m still not quite used to her being gone even though its been…2 months! I still expect to see her sometimes and think I do see her sometimes! Harry used to do a particular noise whenever he saw her and for a few weeks after her death whenever we passed our driveway where she usually was Harry would still make his “Saskia noise” it was just so sad. Really know how you feel, I had Saskia nearly 14 years- since I was a teenager! Even Harry noticed she was suddenly missing. Love and big hugs!! xxx

  2. Thank you. I really needed that. Maybe you have some idea of just how much. I wish I could speed up time to the point where her passing isn’t so fresh and her memory doesn’t bring tears.

    It is truly profound the impact a furry friend can have on you. I don’t want my kids to see me mopey over a cat, but at the same time we all know just how special she was.

    I just need to remind myself that it is better this way because now she isn’t pain.

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