It has been a time since I penned in an online diary or journal and honestly, I have missed it. I have so much to say and really don’t know where to start, so I will go with the flow of thought.
In my recent poetic feats; I began to notice a reoccurring pattern where I am not quite expressing myself in the fashion that I would like to. A part of me holds back, and I am beginning to think that I have allowed that pattern to overrun my creative process. Just recently, I have finally saw an end to continual stress that spun me backwards into tongue-biting so to speak. Of all my years writing, I have never been that careful and it bothers me. I also have no other outlet to truly vent. I was seeing a counselor for a time, but that interaction only focused on the present situations of which I was going through. Isn’t it lovely how we begin to recognize ourselves as this mundane existence gently riding the waves …
In an attempt to break out of my own walls, I have begun working on new and different styles of poetry to relax the inner walls. These different types of writing styles are interesting but I begin to back-step. They have become so focused on my relationship woes or beliefs and I am much deeper of a thinker than that. I suppose I ought to just rip off the band-aid and bleed it out and maybe then I will have surpassed my own hold on myself. At the end of this scribe I will leave a small sample, you can judge for yourselves.
Outside of poetry, I have had to deal with a situation where a former boyfriend showed up out of nowhere and has tried to meddle with me. I’ve told this man several times that the past will remain in the past but some men think that sex is all a woman really wants. It’s really demeaning, and though I have told him to jump off a bridge, he still kept trying. Finally, I completely removed his access to contact me in any way so that he doesn’t continue to. I suppose I find that sort of interaction rather useless; I am content as I am and don’t desire the drama it entails.
Drama however likes to come and find me. A close friend and his wife are having marital problems, and he continually asks me what to do. Because I know these things always end bad, I insist that I want nothing to do with the problems but he doesn’t get the hint. Even she talks with me about some of it and I took a step back and stated that I am out of their marriage. People really like to involve others and then later turn on them once they sort their issues out. I can’t think of a single situation where this ever ended well for anyone trying to help.
I will probably return later and write much more now that I have found a website that acts much like Open Diary used to. To the creators of GoodNight Journal, thank you from the bottom of my heart, I really mean it. I’ve really missed the ability to just write aimlessly or share poetry or other writing while interacting with other diarists/journalists. It’s a wonderful feeling to open our inner box and let the good and bad stuff out in a healthy way.
Now, the poem sample:
Go forth down a meandered descent, thirteen exact,
repression until the end; such in embalmed darkness;
imaginary referencing retracted but for a few, —
and silence like giants tuck the skies to starkness
but to be so used; the mind during observer bias
interrupts a quietude during earth-to-spatial motion,
in each frequency surpassing much of the last
and strangely ejected through the channeled demotion,
beyond the moving circles one now swims,
and other undulates with the Frou Frou.