I’m a Nobody.

I suppose this is more of a “write your daily events down” type platform. I suppose that’s what a journal is, but I’m going to treat this more like a diary. Nothing eventful happened today so fuck that. I’m just going to record my thoughts down. I’m Mr. Nobody. Nobody knows who I am except “that quiet guy”. That’s how everyone remembers me. All through grade school I was teased for being quiet and shy. This one girl thought I was mute until I replied to her. She liked me somehow, and she asked me something to which I replied with something mildly witty and she and her friends laughed like hyenas. It’s amazing to me how responsive a girl can be to a guy she likes, and completely ignore a guy she doesn’t. Well it seems I turned into this guy no girl liked whenever I started high school. I guess girls realize the “quiet guy” can’t be changed. I absolutely hate when people judge me for being quiet and that’s all they see in me, like I’m some timid good kid who lays apples on teacher’s desks and isn’t anything besides that. I was never that type of kid. I cringed at the thought of being that kid. I purposefully stopped trying to get good grades in high school because of this. I got tired of being the “goody quiet smart kid who got good grades and never got in trouble”.  It was a breeze, I didn’t try at all and somehow passed along with my C’s and D’s.  I was the lowest kid at the school, the least popular. The nerdy kids wouldn’t even talk to me. It affected me so much I put on a front and adopted this “don’t care” attitude even though deep down, I cared deeply. I became a bit narcissistic I suppose. Like I’m better than everyone, and I sort of began to hate everyone. I’m already a bit more Machiavellian than the average joe, which explains my tendency to troll the internet and the amusement in annoying others. I suppose it’s partly to get attention, partly because it amuses me and makes me feel important. If I can’t be famous, why not be infamous? It’s a lot more fun that way, and takes a lot less effort. I always hated how the most popular guy in school was some stocky jockbag who was friends with the whole school (I mean other jocks) and talked to all the girls. Why is it that nobody looks up to the loner type like the badass loners in movies? Clint Eastwood embodies this perfectly in older movies. If he talked nonstop, I would think he was some needy bitch and actually cared what others thought of him. He’s all the more badass for his quiet demeanor and through his actions. Why can’t the cool guy be like Buddy Revell in 3 o’ Clock High?

3 thoughts on “I’m a Nobody.”

  1. You should never feel pressured to change who you are because of someone else’s ignorance. There’s one only person who can be you and that’s you. Be yourself and don’t care what ever one else thinks because at the end of the day, it’s your life and you have to live it. Judgement is something that we do as humans. We want to categorize everything into these little neat boxes, but life is not that simple. Just know that what people say about you is very limited, because they don’t know the real you.

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