December 14, 2016
The best friends that didn’t last forever.
I’ll start with you Katie the girl who I met in preschool. We had our fun and our fights how I was the “Tomboy” and how she was “Girlie”. We made dance routines and helped her practice her cheers while she helped my soccer kick. I understood her need to be pretty and put together… And I thought she understood me. 5th grade I wasn’t popular enough and I didn’t understand … Why was I different why were you shutting me out?
Trudy you became my best friend when we were forced to be Locker buddies in 6th. We were both quirky and bonded over getting good grades. I always tried to be the best friend I could be bringing you on trips buying presents and understanding when you didn’t have the money to do the same. We shared secrets and games all the way until senior year of high school. Even with separate classes and separate interests we always remained close. Untill I went away for college … Even all the oovoo chats we were to far away. Then the boys got in the way I had a long term BF and she got wrapped up in her first boyfriend. I shut her out of my life due to anger and resentment and allowing myself not to be understanding.
Bethany we known each other since grade school and began to get close JR year of high school. Once we graduated we really tested our friendship me being in college and you enrolling in the army going away for trainings. You came up and visited me and we got drunk made mistakes and boy did we dance. We were the party girls when we got together everyone knew. We talked about sex, drugs, dancing, gossip we had no boundaries we knew intimate details that no one would know. Even my husband doesn’t know some of what she knows to this day. Then we grow up I get engaged she has a daughter but continues to hop man to man. She makes mistakes but again I remain understanding. Then it’s 2 weeks before my wedding and Bethany who is my Maide of honor hasn’t done anything. Not her dress, shoes bachelorette party … But she buys things for her new flavor of the month. I stop understanding because of stress and disappointment feeling of not being important enough. So I shut her out to pissed off and not understanding.
Now I still and think of the Best friend I had since I was born. She and I clicked and maybe we didn’t see each other everyday but our bond was strong. May 1 2009 she passed away, she was 15 years old. She left me not because I stopped being understanding or because I shut her out … But because God thought her time was up. So what happened … I shut God out and stopped being understanding.
I have a pattern of behavior but at the same time I feel justified. You can only be so understanding until your also being taken advantage. So where does that leave me … With my husband and 2 friends who I see twice a month maybe. Lonely yes but also leaves me with low expectations.
Understand until you can’t … Then move on.
Tasha out 😘