To the Person Behind the Mirror,

May I tell you a bit about my marriage?  I always feel a little sad talking about it but I think you should know.

I’ve been married for almost 9 years.  I’ve known him for 15 years.  I guess it would be easiest to establish a timeline starting at the beginning.  We met online when we were high school students.  There was chemistry right away, but there was little we could do about it because we were just kids then.  We “dated” briefly but I called it off because it seemed unrealistic.  That caused a mess because I still liked him and I guess I must have sent mixed messages which led to a lot of heartache.  He used to call me and ask me what he could do, how could he make it work, because he needed me.  I can’t remember what I was thinking at the time but I think I tried to do the right thing and help him understand that there was no chance.  I think I broke his heart.

We didn’t talk for a while, but after some time passed I wanted to be with him, in spite of the distance.  I missed the way he used to talk to me.  By the time I had come back around he was with someone new.  Later they broke up but he wasn’t interested in giving me another chance.  He seemed hardened.  I told him I would wait.

I did wait.  For years.  We stayed in touch though he would disappear from my life for months at a time sometimes.  Finally, when we were old enough to make decisions without our parents’ approval, we met.  It was everything I hoped it would be.  He was perfect.

6 months later we moved in together.  I had been visiting him and he sobbed when it was time for me to go home.  He begged me not to go, but I had to.  He said if I had to go he would come with me.  He left everything behind and got on a plane a week later.

It seemed like it was meant to be.  This was a huge and dangerous leap but a lot of things fell into place just in time.  After walking home from one of his first days of work out here, he said to me “I’ve never really felt this happy before”.  I was happy too.  I thought of our story as the greatest love story ever told.  That Christmas he asked me to marry him.

6 months later he left me.  I could explain the whole situation but I don’t really want to relive those memories.  He kicked me out of our apartment, he dated someone from work.  I was blindsided.  I thought we were both the happiest we’d ever been.

I think I’d better stop now.  I don’t want to talk about this anymore.

I’ll write you again.

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