first meltdown of the year

I think I had a mini meltdown just now. Now I’m pretty much numb. The real school term hasn’t even started and I feel so stressed. So stressed that I don’t even bother trying to start because I feel like I’ll just fail miserably and die a horrible death. Which isn’t the right attitude to start a year with. Get your emotional shit together, girl! Don’t be such a coward. Just try. What’s the worst that could happen? Fail and so what. Demoralised and so what? Are you such a weak dweeb??? EXCUSEZ-MOI, MADEMOISELLE, JE SAIS BIEN QUE VOS MAMAN DID NOT BRING YOU UP THIS WAY.

Just put in some effort even if you aren’t hardworking. Just try because it’d make your next try less daunting. Just do it this once even if you’re not disciplined.

Don’t put yourself down so easily. Don’t give up before you even start.

Finally, if you’re here to hear about the senpai, everything’s going well enough. Introducing my first boyfriend, but not like you know him, nor do you know me, so *shrugs*

Life is complicated though, but I’m sure everyone here already knows that.

Hang in there and ganbatte to whomever reads this!

One thought on “first meltdown of the year”

  1. EHMAGOD reading your journal just makes me think, saaaaaamme girl, same. (Except for the boyfriend/senpai part because I have no development in that part of my life). I relate so hard to the first paragraph because I’m already practically crying over all the stuff I have to do but also getting really mad at myself like, You’re better than this!!! Stop this uselessness right now!!! You swore you would work harder in 2017!!! GET PRODUCTIVE!!!! (But I still can’t find it in me to finish my physics……..)

    Anyway, have a good day/week and I know you can hang in there!

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