Monday January 16th

I am back in Lexington and I am having major anxiety. I called the movers and they said I may not get my stuff for 10 days! Gah. What the hell will I do??? I am so pissed off about that. I am going to call that lady back tomorrow and try to get some answers. I am anxious and upset because she said she tried to call me and text me because they could have delivered my stuff this weekend but she still had my 859 number. UGH. I am so mad at myself over that. I know I just need to chill and know that I will get my stuff eventually. I will have it together eventually. It may not happen the way I wanted but I will get my stuff. 

This week is going to be really hard. I am going to struggle with anxiety the whole week. I know I shouldn’t even say that because blah blah blah I am predicting my own demise. I need to just roll with it and not let it get to me. 

I went and got my hair done and now I’m at Deedra’s and I feel a little better. I know I cannot stay in Lexington. I know I am doing the right thing by moving, but saying goodbye is still sad. I don’t belong here. I am certain of that. I am hopeful that I will be able to meet someone in New York. I feel lighter when I’m there. I fit in there. I am going and I’m not looking back. I have to put this place and Brent and my shitty family behind me. I have been dragged down by them for too long. I am going to do my best to create a new life for myself- a life that I feel is worth living.

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