Sunday February 5th

I hardly left the apartment yesterday. I went out to lunch and to the grocery. I didn’t leave my street, though. I cleaned – very little- but a little. I don’t know what I’m going to do today. I don’t have enough dirty clothes to warrant a trip to the laundromat. I am going to wait until next weekend. I ordered 6 more pairs of underwear. I do need more if laundry is going to be a biweekly event here, in my new life. 

I am very unsure about my job. It’s a realization that I’m reaching; I love working in a black neighborhood, with mostly black kids. I have a heart for their particular struggles. However, it is becoming evident to me that I am not necessarily welcomed by the black adults to become a part of this world. It is dawning on me that even though these are the kids I love and I am truly in awe of the deep culture of Harlem, I am not wanted by some. I may want to be a part of it, but the adults won’t let me be. The kids are accepting and loving and pass on judgement on me. I did not choose my ethnicity any more than they did. At this point and time, if I get a DOE opportunity in a workable location, I am taking it. 

Later, that same day…

I honestly didn’t remember that I had already written today. That can’t be good. I took a quick trip down to Lowes to return the hinges I bought last weekend and I bought something to hang up the iron and ironing board. Now I still have to go down to KMart on 34th street and get a new ironing board since mine is ridiculously huge and heavy and cumbersome. I have to make a decision what to do about the table that won’t fit in my apartment. It’s causing me more stress than it should. I cannot decide what to do. I know it does not fit in this apartment at all. Period. BUT, I am not so committed to living here that I am willing to break up the matching set of tables. WTH? I am considering keeping it until Noah comes in June and sending it home with him to my storage unit. That storage unit is pretty full. I have to come to some decision as to what to do with all that shit at some point. 

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