Journal Entry 2 – We fought again today…

We fought again today. It was ugly. All I asked was if we could meet an old friend from undergraduate school, since my friend texted me and asked. Let’s call him M. And my husband, H, all of a sudden became cold. His only reply was “You can go if you like, but I will not come”. I asked why. He became rude and I said “Please don’t speak to me with that attitude”, and he said “If you f*** with me, this is what you get”. I didn’t say anything and walked off to do the laundry. I did not want to speak to him and he didn’t like it. He followed me to the bedroom and didn’t let me leave. He kept pushing me, not letting me go to the basement. He pushed me again and again and it started hurting so I pushed him back. That’s when he started hitting me. He called me shameless and insulted me. I know why. You see, M is my ex-boyfriend’s friend and H doesn’t like to be reminded of anything from my past. 

I am from India. Having a boyfriend is considered as something shameful. And I, especially, being from a Muslim family, could never even dream of having one. So, I stayed away from every guy that I had the tiniest crush on and promised to myself that I would never have a boyfriend. Once I finished my high school in the Middle East, I returned to India for my undergraduate studies. That’s when I met him, E. I do not want to use first names for fear of people finding out that it’s me. He was the naughtiest and funniest guy in class. He was constantly defying stuffy professors who thought they were the ultimate ruling authority in our lives. I did not contact him because I did not want to get involved and create a mess for myself. But he did. He sent me a message wishing me on my birthday which was about a month and a half after school began. Now, I wish that I had never replied to that message…

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