Day 5 is much the same as the others. Proving my point further as there are no messages but one did have ‘visitors’. Basically, means nothing really. I’m still plugging along though. It beats sitting staring aimlessly at the screen.
So, work was busy today and I’m glad that weekends means busy. Though I’m still sore as I acquaint myself with working again. My body’s still adjusting to working again. Muscles that haven’t been used in a while are protesting, but it’s a good kind of pain. Work means that I’ll be able to pay off my bills and get caught up again.
Confusing creature he is. I get confused by the things he does. First the heavy flirting. Then there was silence. Then there was talking from time to time. Then there was “I’m talking to someone”. I chose to accept a friendzone position. I left things alone. Suddenly he starts talking to me first. Even today making me smile at lunch during a busy day. If I believed all those advisors these are things he’d do if he was in to me. I’m utterly confused. So, instead of doing anything I will do nothing. My daughter thought it was best. I tend to agree with her in some ways. It’s highly illogical (and wishful thinking mostly) that anything more would be there. Perhaps I’m daydreaming things and that’s why I try to see things. As the Lion would point out to me sometimes a cigar is just a cigar. In this case, it most likely is and I’m just reading too much into things. The Lion liked to remind me often that I tend to see things that aren’t really there and that’s how I make myself miserable. That’s what supposedly ended things between he and I. So instead of losing a friend (I think anyway) I’d rather just do nothing. Not make something into nothing or would it be the other way around?
All in all, just another day really. Guess it’s time for some more of the show I’ve been watching and time to head to bed. I had a weird dream about the Lion last night and I’m hoping to avoid another one today. When I have more time, I will write longer. Though lately I just haven’t been feeling much lately. Confusing behaviors. Trying to get through the quiet times. It’s strange that I feel nothing when I’m away from work, but when I’m at work I can pretend easily that I’m perfectly peachy. It’s why I’ve said that I have no problem continue who I am in my thoughts and self-loathing and never let on that there’s anything wrong. I’ve been doing it for years. Guess I’m good at that as well. For four years, I was able to fool everyone including myself that things with the Lion and myself was perfect to the outside world. I was able to pretend things with the Ogre was perfect as well. I’m very good at that much anyway. So now I’m off to bed. Good night world.