im a slut

one thing in particular i hate about living in a small college town is literally everyone fucking goes to the same places at the same time. i walked to go get something to eat at my fav sushi restaurant and i saw like all the people that i wanted to avoid. and their new girlfriends. emerson’s new girlfriend is actually really beautiful. she’s african american and has the most lovely face. i dont feel any type of animosity towards her, …..maybe a little jealous. she looks like a victoria’s secret model with gorgeous long dark-blond-brown hair that contrasts her beautiful skin tone. emerson seemed really happy holding her hand and caressing her face. its painful to admit that they make a cute couple. 

in the back of my mind the thought of confronting him and telling her that even though they’ve just very recently become an official couple, less than 2 weeks ago {while they were only dating} he was bitching to me about his ex girlfriend finally dumping him because he was a liar. and then he bitched about not letting him eat me out because i was still in a relationship with matt. he wanted to fuck me but i am loyal to whomever i am in a relationship with, so he wanted to perform oral sex on me. i told him oral sex is sex but he got annoyed and left. probably to go text his new girlfriend, and the reason his ex girlfriend broke up with him. but hey, its not my job to reveal other peoples secrets or indiscretions. and besides, ive got enough shitty karma coming my way, i dont need any more. 

i cant wait to get the fuck out of colorado and never ever fucking ever come back. and the part that pisses me off the most about emerson is how much i fucking overlook everything he ever did to me because i loved him and because he really was my best friend. until he wasnt. sorry but i have to fucking vent. ive got so much pent up anger. because today while at the sushi resturant he was also hanging out with some of his frat brothers. and one particular fucking asshole stood out to me. brody jameson. brody ‘you stupid fucking cunt’ jameson. 

brody is a one of emersons frat brothers and hes the typical fratboy ‘my daddy owns this college’ cunt. sophomore year at a party during spring semester, i was hanging out with emerson at their house. we were all playing shot roulette. i got really drunk and i started to make out with brody on the couch. then he left for a long time, i dont remember why or what he went to go do. and then emerson sat down next to me and we were taking pics.and then we started to chug two beers to wash down all those vodka shots he told me. then brody came back and carried me over his shoulder and upstairs to his room. brody threw me on his bed and we started making out. he took my panties off and lifted up my skirt. and then emerson walked into the room and brody told him to get out. and emerson did tell brody that i was way too fucked up and way too gone. but brody kicked him out even though i was crying he left me with him. and brody DID NOT rape me. i didnt say no and i didnt tell him to stop. but he still fucked me even though i was crying and closed my eyes. i didnt want to have sex with him, but i didnt tell him to stop. and neither did emerson. this is not the fucked up part. the fucked up part is that 3 days later i confronted emerson why didn’t you stop him? i didnt really want to have sex with him. and he replied ‘well why didnt’ YOU’. and turned it on me. made me feel like shit. made me feel like i was a slut. and at that point it i had only ever  had sex with 1 other person in my life: emerson. but he turned on me that day. and i was his bestfriend who couldnt demand he turn on his brother and yet still be anything but the slut i got branded.  and that wasnt the only time i confronted emerson about it. other times since ive given him shit about it when i have brought it. and every single fucking time, except the last, he always said ‘i was fucking gone. you shouldnt have drank so much. you should have told him no’. its always my fault because i didnt say no. its not rape. i dont feel like it was rape. the part that makes me mad is that he didnt have my back. like wtf so you cant even take my side afterwards? thats what makes me mad. and then, emerson gave me shit for awhile after the incident too. he didnt want me talking to brody. and when i asked him why he didnt say why, he just said he didnt want to. and then the last time i brought it up he told me that if i kept bringing it up again he was going to fucking be “over it” and tell brody to do it again. yep. 

once again, its important to reiterate that it was not rape. at all. but it was annoying that your ‘bestfriend’ doesnt have your back when you need it the most. emerson is a fucking asshole. then afterwards his other frat brothers made me out to be this big giant slut that fucks everyone. after a while you do start to say ‘well im a slut already, so sleeping around isnt going to make it less true.’ why am i bringing this shit up? well because after that party emerson never once let me hang out at his frat house, or for their parties, or just to go out and eat with his brothers. not once. and yet he brings his beautiful victoria secret model girlfriend to hang out with his brothers. she gets the privilege of hanging out with his bestfriends, his brothers, at his fraternity house. i see pics of her on instagram at their house. theyve been together less than a week and she’s already over there. i didnt get a second invite. if we ever hung out it was at my place. or anywhere else. but his frat house was always off limits. because i was a slut. because i am a slut.

but “hey don’t worry sky, you’re my bestfriend. you’re my best friend. except you cant come and hang out with me and my friends, you’re a slut, they’ll give me shit for bringing you around. that is of course unless you spread your legs for brody again. brody likes redheads. youre brodys property now, he claimed you. brody thinks youre a slut so you dont get an invite. we can still fuck whenever im not getting pussy on the regular. but always at your place so they dont see me. youre a slut anyway, so open your legs up for me even though youre “dating” matt. oh you dont want to open your legs up for me? fine, ill go talk to shaye, she and i are dating anyway. oh did i forget to tell you? sorry, slipped my mind. i was too busy pressing my hard cock against your thigh last night. but you didnt let me fuck so i left to go sweet talk shaye. oh we’ve been fucking non stop for days? well thats gotta stop now, i have a girlfriend. you can still blow me though, because i have this convoluted idea that oral sex isnt really sex. even though i have a girlfriend i still pry into your sexual life and judge you. im the only one who’s ever cummed inside you? brody pulled out and sprayed on your belly? oh, good, dont let others fuck you with out a condom otherwise i wont talk to you anymore. even though i fuck girls without a condom. im a fucking hypocrite myself. my name is emerson harrington and im a fucking cunt who uses you but you’re too fucking stupid and in love with me that youll let me do all these fucked up things to you. brody is harassing you? brody grabbed your ass? well why did you let him. “why did you let him” is now my response to every problem you have with brody. and if you bring up any more shit about you and brody im going to threaten you with “ill let him do it again”. thatll shut you up about it. but remember skylar, you and i are bestfriends. weve been through so much together. and even though you still see me as that high school sweethearts we once were. the reality is that im an asshole who is completely hypocritical and i dont love you. but i love using you. 

 

fuck. 
i really needed to rant. 
i feel a little better now. 

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