Starting this early

I’m drowning in regret and it’s not even noon. I don’t understand how one message can turn my stomach so hard, make me curl into a ball and feel so pathetic. I’ve never wanted something, or someone, so badly in my life. But there’s something off. A horrible feeling is creeping over me and I don’t know what to do. I’ve tried to stay away before. But he continues to pull me back in. The message that I woke up to was a mixture of sweet and sour. Good and bad. It sounded like he wanted me, needed me the way I want him. But at the same time it acknowledged a mistake that I made this week, throwing it right in my face with ease. I realize how sappy and pathetic the first part of my entries will be for awhile but I just need to vent. I need to record these thoughts and feelings, and then I need to figure out what to do. I say I know my worth but I think I’m still trying to discover it, and get to know and love myself more. Because right now, I hate this person that I am. 

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