My stomache is turning… at 1:00am he says he’s gotta go pay his friend some money
I am a mother of 2 beautiful, smart girls, Hannah and Lauren. My boyfriend lives here with us and I am completely in love with him. He is 10 years younger than me which fuels my already insure self but it doesn’t seem to bother him at all. I have tried to do this online “venting thing” before but I am a huge procrastinator so I never really got in the swing of doing it regularly. I feel like I need some help. Like from strangers. Advice, opinions…. my life is going pretty good these days. I feel very blessed for who and what I have in my life. Yet there is this sence of sadness I feel almost daily. I do have a lot of issues as far as trusting and feeling insecure ect…. I guess because of what I have been through, and no matter how hard I try I cant seem to let that go and keep a fresh open mind for myself and Randy. Or really….. I think I was pretty close but it all kind of fell to pieces when he lied to me the first time (that I know of). And it was a big one. Now on the daily I am catching things and of course some things I am wrong about but mostly right on. I don’t want to be right and I don’t want to be this person who is constantly doubting what he says or anybody else for that matter. I guess I just don’t understand why I ALWAYS get lied to. I told him whatever he does, do not lie to me. And he did. More than once. There are going to be some things that I wish I could say on here but that I can not for reasons of …… stuff… And by leaving that stuff out no one will truly be able to get the real clear picture of what I am going through, but I will try my best to explain things in the most vague way I can. I love my man and I know he loves me. I love my family and pretty much love my job. Life is good. So I should by happy and enjoy every minute of it that I have left. But I am just not. I have got to get help or get the negative things out of my life in order to be at peace, I think. I want to know what you think.