Mourning Never Ends…to me.

Previously hand-written on 2/5/17

To start – drunk, high and alone (obviously).  Also medicated.

I think I’ve forgotten my mom; her voice, her mannerisms, her eyes, her hands, her hug, her smell,  the comfort I had being near her.  I’ve forgotten it all.  It’s so far away.  How do I get back? I crave to go back.

I want the simple things with you.  A conversation, a trip to the store!  A meal made together. A TV show watched together.  Eating food together.

I’m different from when you knew me last.  Do you already know that?  I can feel you around sometimes.  I miss Dad too.  I feel alone.  I have so many alone hours a day.

Sometimes I wonder if I should die.  My life feels empty and meaningless.

I’m so alone.  I miss these intense moments.  The full rush of these feelings.  They take over and there’s nothing but intensity.  A rush.  Unstoppable; it must be felt.

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