Previously hand-written on 2/5/17
To start – drunk, high and alone (obviously). Also medicated.
I think I’ve forgotten my mom; her voice, her mannerisms, her eyes, her hands, her hug, her smell, the comfort I had being near her. I’ve forgotten it all. It’s so far away. How do I get back? I crave to go back.
I want the simple things with you. A conversation, a trip to the store! A meal made together. A TV show watched together. Eating food together.
I’m different from when you knew me last. Do you already know that? I can feel you around sometimes. I miss Dad too. I feel alone. I have so many alone hours a day.
Sometimes I wonder if I should die. My life feels empty and meaningless.
I’m so alone. I miss these intense moments. The full rush of these feelings. They take over and there’s nothing but intensity. A rush. Unstoppable; it must be felt.