Recipe for disaster

First take a broken heart, mix with a touch of sadness and anger, add a dash of disappointment and failure, then finally finish it off with some self destruction.  There you have it.  The perfect recipe for disaster…aka my life right now.  I went to work today fully expecting to see my boss and either get written up or fired but he wasn’t there and he won’t be there until Wednesday (?)  so at least I have a little bit of time before I get yelled at.  Then I was supposed to see Tyler tonight and have a talk with him about everything that was bothering me but I ended up just talking to him on the phone this morning because I didn’t feel like waiting around all day with anxiety and anticipation.  I gave him my speech and feel like I said everything I had to say.  He basically said the same thing I had heard before…he’s been stressed, super busy with work and school and the death of his friend, and depressed and all that.  He said he really liked me and wasn’t trying to play games with me or anything and that he’s just been really busy.  He said if he was able to finish his homework in time he would love to see my tonight.  Well, you know how that went since I’m here writing this.  Of course he canceled again because of school work.  I want to give him the benefit of the doubt and believe him but I’ve been screwed over so many times and I feel if you really really like someone, you’ll make time for them no matter what.  So needless to say I’m disappointed he canceled on me yet again and he asked if I was fee Sunday instead and I lied and said I had plans.  I’m not going to just be available for him whenever and then have him cancel on me anyways.  For now I’m just acting like he’s not even in my life.  I’m moving on and maybe if it’s meant to be then it’ll happen.  Otherwise I’m going out tonight no matter what.  I asked a bunch of people to go out tonight but everyone basically gave me some bullshit answer and I finally got one person to go out.  One is enough.  I just need to go out and take my mind off things.  And drink of course.  I know drinking while you’re depressed really won’t help but I can’t just lie in bed and think about this whole thing anymore.  Who knows, maybe I’ll go out and meet someone I like even more than Tyler…so he can screw me over too!  Yay!  Ugh.  Maybe I should just lay off the men for awhile.  They aren’t meshing well with me lately.  I have some days off coming up and I’m excited because I’m already planning my next solo trip.  Hiking here I come again!  Well, I’m off to get drunk and make bad decisions. 

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