Crossroads

Sometimes life is painful in the most beautiful way.

Sometimes you look around and see how much a single moment has altered your life. 

And its saddening to you for some reason, that that moment could not have lasted forever. That it has passed. That the characters in the story have all continued on their individual journeys. That they were only really meant for that one moment.

Its a strange sort of bittersweet.

Its an understanding that what was, is really all that it could have been. That what you have now, what you’ve become, could not have followed if there had been anything more to it. But that moment, it had the power to shape you with such strength, that you wish that there had been more anyways. Almost.

And then in hindsight, at other times, you know that you really didn’t want that at all. That what you longed for was actually this present moment. That this is all some weird reflection of gratitude.

Its hard sometimes. Letting go of moments. The arrow of time is an odd and often painful thing. Instead of letting the world flow around us, there are so many times that we just wish we could anchor it down. Hold on to the moment. 

I listened to a commencement speech once that captured this quite well. They said that we must move forward. Because even if we were to go back to the same place, with the same people, and did the exact same things, what is now will never be the same as what was then.

Everything is always changing. Our thoughts, our beliefs, our feelings, our selves. In every single one of us. In every single moment. And it is because of this that we can’t hold on to the moments. We can only let them flow through us, around us.

I’m pretty sure that an attempt to hold them would collapse them. Solidify them as a time that we are trying to save, instead of the flowing chain of events that are our destinies. Which is what they really are.

Those crossroads though… I think they’re the things that shape us the most. The ones where we can almost see the paths that we did not take. See the massive shift in our reality because of the one that we did. And know the exact moment when we made, what we did not know at the time to be, a forever life changing decision.

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