It’s been a while since i visited this website and i’m not doing anything at this moment (just finished watching a couple of sad videos from Youtube and tear-jerking the whole time) and here i am, in front of my laptop, laying on my stomach with a brain full of words that i can’t even explain and a chapped lip (cause i’m too lazy to get a drink) and typing some stupid thought from this couple of weeks about my life.
Life has been good these days, i mean from what i assumed it was. It was just an ok.
Why am i suddenly writing a journal? Because 1. those shorts films 2. the questions : “what you fear the most?” & “have you ever been fall in love?” (notes: which i did btw and i’m gonna tell you later) 3. few things bother me.
After watched the movies, i finally realized why i’ve been single my entire life. Occasionally i would imagine myself not alone but with someone or “my partner-to-be” that i would meet “accidentally” like the scene that you see on the movie (which is complete bullshit) and than we fall in love at first sight because we were a lover in our past lives. Yeah… so cliché to be honest but i loved it. It was just my crazy imagination that nobody knows.
Well, i’m still young (of course) but the thing is because i’m scared what would happen next. I have a tons of things in my mind like ‘what if he doesn’t love me back if he knows the real me’, ‘what if i’m just a replacement’, ‘would he stay if i were dying’ and then it becomes ‘i need to lose more weight so i can attract somebody’, ‘i need to be sexier’, ‘i need to put more mascara’ etc. It has been occupying my mind and eventually it becomes a unhealthy though of a this 22 years old girl.
i think that’s it for now.