124 – let me sleep

This day seems worse than others regarding my engagement with work. I’ve started a few things.  I’ve completed 1.  I had a terrible bout of the head bob’s between 10 and 11.  I couldn’t keep my eyes open. I’ve been managing my pms. Upping my epo and soy intake. I’ve been doing very well.  Until yesterday evening.  I tuned on a dime from happy to angry. It was at the dinner table. I didn’t make a fuss.  I just got really really annoyed with H’s reaction to something. I wanted to punch him in the mouth right on the spot. But I maintained my composure. Just went about the business of cleaning up the kitchen from dinner. After that was all done I did snuggle with my boy for a while. Best kind of therapy there is. He still sucks his thumb when he’s tired or if he’s nervous about something. It’s so sweet. We watched a movie together. H was there too.  D had homework to finish and wasn’t really interested in the movie anyway. I really didn’t sit at all yesterday until that time. It was a day off from work. But all I did was laundry, vacuuming, cooking and running the kids here, there and everywhere. And it was a steamy and rainy gross day. And I ate too much. It was anxious eating. Mindless. Didn’t know for sure what I should be doing at any given time. I am a much more reactive person than proactive. When one of my kids needs something my reaction is to help. When I am left on my own, I’m never sure of anything. I want to be sure. I want to be confident. A trait that has forever eluded me. My eyes are shutting again. And I’m drinking coffee!  Ughhhh

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