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Today’s Dilemma: Bills, Bills, Bills

So I was mean to Fiancé today (yes I know too early to be mean) and now I feel bad. I have an issue with money. Growing up my family was middle class but I witnessed a lot of struggle. My mom likes to spend money she doesn’t have and will borrow from “Peter” to pay “Paul” to cover bills. My dad just lets her.

As a result, as an adult I have the mindset of never being broke. I worked hard to have good credit, I purchased my first home in my early 20’s, I pay all my bills on time and I budget and try to maintain a savings.

 My fiancé isn’t like me. He didn’t pay the bills he said he was and that really upset me because now we’re behind. Plus we now have “wedding” bills which makes things a lot tighter. 

I’m truly stressed. I went off via text and in hindsight that was stupid and childish. But I’m still irritated that he didn’t do what he said. My grandfather is my best friend. And he always told me “All a man has is his word, always keep your word”. And I hold everyone I interact with to that standard. If you tell me you’re going to do something, I trust that you will follow through and when you don’t, I feel let down and I’ll never trust your “word” again. 

Maybe he’s stressed too and maybe I should be less Judgy. When it comes to our bills I feel like I’m hovering always making sure everything is taken care of and sometimes I wish he would take on that burden of making sure we’re taken care of.

Now that I read this post back, I feel like an asshole and I feel ungrateful. There are bigger fish to fry in the world and I’m worrying about and focusing on the wrong things. Doesn’t negate the fact that he got on my nerves, but I do feel like I overreacted now I have to sit here and reflect on why. 

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