I keep going through vicious cycles. Happy, depressed, happy, depressed. Repeat. I remember and it gets me. I just feel like shit 90% of the day. And I wish my mom was normal. Her problems just make me more depressed. Maybe it’s time I change my meds or something. Like…why is this my life? I don’t feel sorry for myself, I just wish for something better, you know? The way she always tries to make everything about herself just pisses me right off. Suicide isn’t an ”issue” to deal with. She did shit all and only cares about saving face. F right off. That’s a kid’s life right there. That’s a human life. So he was troubled. Okay, and? Doesn’t mean anything in the grand scheme of things. Never disrespect the dead. This has me messed up real good. Nothing makes me feel happy anymore. It’s no-one’s fault. But that’s how it is. I wish I knew. I wish I could’ve helped but not even they knew. I can’t help but feel like I’ve failed ****.