Was that sexual abuse?

 So, as an adult I learned that a neighbor girl (from childhood) had told a mutual friend that when we were children we did sexual things together. At first I laughed and said lol nope I that didn’t happen I am not into girls. Then I said wait …ewww.. I was in 4th grade when I moved from that house.. I didn’t do anything sexual then. I sat back and tried to rememeber the things we did do when I was there.. and the only things I remember was “playing house” and her parents were never there. We played in a little tiny camper in her back yard. Now I don’t remember anything sexual but I also don’t remember anything not sexual. I just know I went there. Now that I have been wondering about this I also realize that this is about the same time I started doing some odd things.. being withdrawn.. not wanting to be alone with people..etc etc. Do you think things did happen and I put it away in my little girl brain? Or do you just think I was getting older and being shy? These questions haunt me.. and I have not asked any questions, or told anyone in my family!!! What do I do? This was almost 40 years ago!

3 thoughts on “Was that sexual abuse?”

  1. Sexual abuse can certainly be forgotten (repressed). You can’t change it now, so give it to God and don’t worry over it. Try to just let it go. God bless you!

  2. Thank you both for your input. I do need to clarify something tho. I was between 6 & 7 because I started school early. And the other girl was 14 or 15. And she is a closet lesbian so to speak. She is married for appearances but sleeps with women. And I am 100% sure I didn’t force myself onto her. I am pretty certain at 6 and 7 I was not experimenting with any kind of sex, because back in those days at 6 & 7 you really didn’t know a whole lot about sex at those ages. It wasn’t like it is now where you taught you kids from birth that you are born with a vagina, back then they were your private parts. Did you have a clue what that meant..lol absolutely not, just that no one was to touch them. I do get what you are saying losingit about experimenting as kids, I did it but not until I was about 14 myself. Then I started experimenting although I never really had any interest in girls. I was about as boy crazy as a young girl could be. But I was also so unbelievably shy, my first boyfriend and I “dated” aka held hands for a year and a half then finally kissed once. But, you may be right, it may not be sexual abuse. I am just wondering if she touched me and I didn’t know what she was doing and put it away because I was not sure what to do with it, or she is just full of shit and lying to our friend. Ya know what I mean? I don’t really feel traumatized by it , if there is an it, because I don’t remember anything. But, on some level, I do wonder if there was an it just because of some very strange ways I have dealt with other situations growing up. Or hell I may just be a weirdo, that another woman feels the need to brag about..lol

  3. Thank you “SavedbyGrace” I am doing just that.. all though, I am also doing a lot of thinking and analyzing my life and my self. Just trying to understand ME as a person and why I am the way I am… very self conscience and low self esteem.. rather withdrawn from other people and most situations. I am trying to under stand if there are reasons for this, such as things I had no control over or just how I turned out so to speak. 🙂

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